Perplexing

I own the above t-shirt. I had someone ask me, "Understand what?"

I'm not sure if the person has no sense of humor, is dumber than a bags of rocks, or was complimenting me.

Bonus Post, Part 2

Several times these past few weeks, we have gotten a phone call where the caller ID says it is from 'FinacialServices.'  Obviously, this is some sort of telemarketer call and we just ignore it.  The phone rings the requisite number of times and then the answering machine kicks in and answers*.  Each time, we then hear this:

Telemarketer:  Hello...this is Grace.  How are you doing?

Us:   'dead silence'  (because she's talking to the answering machine)

Telemarketer:  Hello...are you there?   Hello...

And then 'Grace' hangs up.

I don't think 'Grace' is the sharpest knife in the drawer...



*Our machine 'says' it is a machine and 'asks' the caller to leave a message.  It isn't as if we try to prank our callers by pretending they aren't talking to a machine.  Good grief...

Blood Spatter

I finished up my Halloween decorating early in the week.  Here is my shower curtain:

I thought it was appropriate for the season.  :)

SO True

I think this may be one of the best descriptions of love/marriage I have ever seen.  Funny, but true!  :D

Police Log

Today we first start out with people who have too much time on their hands--otherwise, they wouldn't feel the need to bother the police with these calls.

--12:22 PM, possible domestic disturbance reported; no domestic, subjects jumping on mini trampoline.
How loud WERE these people?  Or did we just have a little old lady with nothing better to do than butt into her neighbor's business?

--12:35 AM, subjects on the football field; 40-year-old guy running laps on track.
The person who called this one in obviously didn't watch what was going on long enough before calling.  MYOB!  This is the advantage to living in a small town:  you CAN run the high school track at 12:30 AM and not have to worry about your safety.  And then the cops get called...

And then we have the 'just plain weird:'

--11:40 PM, report of person walking into home while resident not there and taking pictures with camera.
Just HOW did the resident find out about this if s/he wasn't home?  Was this someone 'casing the joint?'  And if so, why would the person do this at night and take pictures with a flash--which I assume is how someone knew pictures were being taken?

--9:15 AM, report of semi tractor-trailers speeding.
This made me giggle as I am imagining two 18-wheelers drag racing down the street--at 9:15 in the morning.  :D

--9:15 AM, two garden gnomes stolen from porch last night; male and female.
I LOVE the 'male and female' part.  :D

Just For Laughs

Some amusement for a Thursday afternoon:

What????

As our society ages, I am finding more commercials on TV aimed at the 'seniors' in the viewing audience.  Of course we have a scunge-load of erectile dysfunction ads, but we also are seeing ads for bladder problems, reverse mortgages, and senior dating sites.  One very prevalent commercial these days is for Life Alert, or similar products.  I'm sure we all are familiar with the "I've fallen and can't get up!" commercial of several years ago and the ones being made today are not much better.

However, the one I saw the other day just made me shake my head and go, "HUH?!"

For those who might never have seen  the product, Life Alert--or generic equivalent products--is a necklace type emergency alarm that a person will wear.  There is a button on this device which can be pressed in the case of a medical emergency.  Pressing said button will summon help and this allows an elderly person to continue being self-sufficient, and live alone, for a longer time than normal.  I very much see the benefit to these devices, but I really wish they would advertise them in a better manner.  Most of the ads for these things are testimonials--and I think they scrape the bottom of the barrel for the people they get for the commercials.  The commercial I saw the other day was person after person telling how "Life Alert saved my life!"  Basically, they all said the same thing:  "I was having a heart attack, fell down, felt dizzy, etc, and I pressed the button for help."  Then they went on and said how they would never be without Life Alert.  This was all cut-and-dried until one woman came on.  And this is what she had to say:

"I will give up bread, beer, wine, and soda, but I WON'T give up my Life Alert!"

I almost wet myself from laughing!  Unbelievable.





***Now, an added bonus:  "I've fallen and I can't get up!" has become a much ridiculed and spoofed phrase for many years.  Of course, the interwebs have helped this along.  Here are some of my favorite uses of the phrase--enjoy.

Those 'I Feel So Bad You Can't Understand' Blues

We have all been sick, hurt, or in one way or another, in some sort of discomfort.  And these are times when we manage to say some very silly things.  And I have stories...

--The Sister-in-Law was in the early stages of labor with her first child.  She was at her parent's (my in-laws) house waiting until it was time to go to the hospital.  After a slightly uncomfortable contraction, she looked at my mother-in-law and said, "But you don't KNOW how much this hurts!!!"  My m-i-l just rolled her eyes and shook her head:  She had given birth to FIVE children, herself.

--The Second Granddaughter was experiencing some menstrual cramps.  This is the one who happens to be Miss Drama Queen.  After moaning and groaning all day long, she looked at her mother and said, "But no one has EVER felt like this!"

--Yesterday, The Son-in-Law had a hernia repair.  As surgery goes, this was quite minor--and the only incision was a small one made in the navel.  He was given a 'twilight' anesthetic and was in the hospital only three hours.  From the way he was acting, The Oldest said you would assume he had been in the ring with Mike Tyson for 8 rounds.  And he told The Oldest, "But you have NO IDEA how much pain I'm in!!!!"  The Oldest has given birth 8 times--five of which were by C-section.

Thank goodness we love those we take care of and are taken care of by people who love us.  Otherwise, I think there would be quite a lot of slapping upside the head going on.  :D


***I'm VERY thankful that there hasn't been a camera going while I was sick, in labor, or recovering from surgery.  I'm certain being around me wasn't any walk in the park during those times.  ;D***

To Make Up For The Last Post...

As I surf the interwebs, there ARE times when I actually will read the comment sections of certain stories.  I don't know WHY I do this, as I usually just get frustrated and angry by the idiots who comment.  Yet, I read.  (I'm afraid I might have masochistic tendencies.  ;))  One thing that you find out very quickly is that there are only a few comments that get recycled over and over again.  And Linda Holmes over at NPR noticed this same thing when it comes to the inevitable 'year-end' lists we'll be inundated with shortly and wrote an article about it:  'The 20 Unhappiest People You Meet In The Comments Sections Of Year-End Lists.'

Here are a few of my 'favorite' commentators:

 7. The Self-Punisher. "I always hate your tastes, so I knew this would be a miserable and useless list before I decided to click on it and read the whole thing, and now I know I was right."

 11. The Person Who Thinks You Were So Close. "I like all these picks, but you ranked The Descendants as your #4 and Martha Marcy May Marlene as your #5, and they should be the other way around. FAIL."

 14. The Minimalist. "These blow."

Too funny!  For the rest of the list, go here.