-Kill a plant
-Buy a 1931 Almanac
-Memorize the weather section
-Think lewd thoughts about yourself
-Peel grapes
-Make paper from the skins
-Send chills down your spine
-Blow bubbles
-Catch them with your radiator
-Bloat
-Get run over by a train of thought
-Make up famous sayings
-Bite your pinkie
-File your teeth
-Design a better toilet seat
-Shred a newspaper
-Scratch
-Have a headache
-Sniff
-Hatch an egg
-Play air guitar
-Spill
-Act profound
-Spell
-Stare
-Truncate
-Slouch
-Develop hearing problems
-Put your feet behind your head
-Tie bows in everything
-Hold your hand
-Watch the minute hand move
-Grow your fingernails
-Pretend you're a telephone
-Radiate
-Ring
-Skip
-Play hopscotch...with real scotch
-Clock the velocity of your REMs
-Put your shoes on the opposite feet
-Cross your toes
-Roll your tongue
-Crystallize
-Baby oil the floor
-Hide
-Attack innocent bunnies
-Declare war
-Destroy a tree
-Hide the scrabble bag
-Seduce your stick shift
-Wink
-Memorize the periodic table
-Mummify
-Pretend you're a roadie
-Buy a Ginsu knife
-Collect electrons
-Correct typos that aren't there
-Polish your neck...use Pledge
-Repeat
-Ad lib
-Fade
-Loosen the lug nuts on your dad's new car
-Drop your cat off the roof to see if it lands on all four feet
-Unscrew all the light bulbs and rearrange the furniture
-Found the
-Listen for non-satanic messages (i.e. "Drink milk")
-Dress like Motley Crue...surprise your grandmother
-Dial-a-Prayer and tell them they're wrong
-Go into a bar and ask for a Molotov cocktail
-Learn everything there is to know about the
-Make a drive-in window at your local bank where there wasn't one before
-Walk on water...but don't get caught
-Confess to a crime...that didn't happen
-Be in the wrong place at the right time
-Plot the overthrow of your local School Board
-Request covert assistance from the CIA
-Discover the source of the
-Search for buried treasure...in
-Hot wax the bottom of your brother's dress shoes
-Preach the philosophy of Marx...Groucho, that is
-Drink as much prune juice as you can
-Write a book about your previous life
-Serve ping-pong balls...as hors d'oeuvres
-Jump up and down...on your alarm clock
-Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins
-Sterilize your stereo...with Jack Daniels
-Drive the speed limit...in your garage
-Wear a three-piece suit...in a sauna
-Pay off the national debt...with a bad check
-Go to a cemetery and verbally abuse dead people
-Give yourself a hernia...for Christmas
-Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes
-Recite romantic poetry...to your toaster
-See if you really can build a nuclear device in your own basement
I'm kinda sad that there is only one more!
ReplyDeletepeel grapes hahahaha
ReplyDelete