Being In a Funk

I'm still having a bit of a funk going on in my life. To be expected, I guess. But, it REALLY is affecting me to see my best friend post pictures of her and her husband (who happened to be The Husband's best friend) on Facebook. They are very much like The Husband and I were, kind of joined at the hip, so to speak...in other words, spending most of their time together, rather than with other people. And she posts happy pictures of their trips together...something I don't begrudge them, at all! It just reminds me of what I have lost and how The Husband and I never got a chance to spend our retirement the way we had hoped. I think the time is going to go by VERY slowly for me until January rolls along! This, too, shall pass...

Together Forever

This month I'm celebrating something that few people do:  My closest friend and I have been friends for 50 years.  And we have known each other for several years longer--we actually 'met' on the first day of kindergarten!  Unbelievable.  Now here is our story:

My parents bought the house next door to my friend's parents house.  They actually bought the house FROM J's parents--it was the old family farmhouse that had been moved to that location.  J and I were kind of forced together, as the houses were on the edge of town and most kids lived closer to the main street than us.

J and I were very close until the middle school years--that was when we were put into different classrooms.  We never had a falling out, we still walked to the bus stop together, etc, we just didn't have the same homework and projects to do.  Both of us "moved on" to classmates as our closer friends.  It happens with most people.

In high school, J and I did become even more distant.  She became a 'wild child', more of a party girl.  While I wanted to be wild, too, I couldn't:  The Mother would have killed me--literally!  Again, we were still friends, but not exactly FRIENDS, if you know what I mean.  Then in 10th grade, my saving grace came to be--I got a boyfriend who stayed with me through the rest of my high school years.  J went to the parties and The Boyfriend and I had our own private ones--we drank, but did no drugs.  At least *I* did no drugs...

Right after graduation, The Boyfriend and I broke up, so J and I were both single at the same time.  We got together and partied the summer away.  (I was no longer as afraid of The Mother...)  K and I managed to get together--while he was home on leave--and J and I did things together when he was away.  Both her and I started college in the fall and quit shortly after midterms.  We weren't quite ready for more school.  The rest of the year was spent sitting at The Mother's kitchen table drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and teaching ourselves to crochet.  Eventually we both got jobs.

The following year, K and I got married and J was the maid of honor.  At some point, we introduced J to S, K's best friend from the Navy.  The two of them married and I was her matron of honor.  And the four of us began our life journeys.

After the Navy, K and I moved to where we are still living--a town 100 miles away from where we grew up.  J and S moved to Wisconsin to the town where he grew up.  We had two kids, J and S had three--and the busy years began.  We talked on the phone to keep in touch and saw each other at least once a year whenever we would visit 'back home.'  Our friendship survived and began to strengthen during those years.

Then the 'teen years' came to be--along with the requisite 'troubles.'  Crying to each other, trying to find solutions to our problems, finally turned J and me from best friends to sister friends.  I don't know if I ever would have gotten through those times without J to cry to.  She saved me more than once.

Of course, the empty nest years finally came to us.  This has given us the time--and money--to be able to get together more often.  K and I do a monthly road trip to where J and S live--we do our shopping and then the four of us go out to eat and have a nice visit.  We also go to plays and concerts together and are in the planning stages of going to some tourist attractions nearby.  One of these days we will go on vacation together--we just have to decide WHERE.  :)  (K and I want to do Las Vegas, they want us to go on a cruise.  We'll figure it out.)

Last weekend we got to visit with J and S.  We went to a nice restaurant to celebrate our anniversary and exchanged gifts.  I gave J a silver charm with the number '50' engraved on the front and 'Sister Friends' engraved on the back.  She gave me my initials--cut out of discarded books.  Here's a picture:

Cool, right?

So, fifty years as friends.  And there is no sign that things will change any time soon.  I have had a vision of the future:  J and I are sitting in rocking chairs on the front porch of a retirement home.  We each have a glass of wine in one hand, a cigarette in the other.  (We have promised ourselves that we will start smoking again at the age of 85.  ;))  We will live out the rest of our lives in each others company, friends to the end.  I can see it happening.

I Love Getting Gifts

Last weekend we did another one of our road trips--something we hadn't done since the beginning of December.  While we try to do an over-nighter every month (during K's monthly week off,) circumstances don't always allow.  Last month the week off was during the New Year's holiday, so the road trip didn't happen.  And after the expenses of Christmas, it probably was better to NOT spend money on a hotel OR shopping that wasn't quite necessary.

We were able to get together with our good friends who live a half hour out of the city where we stay.  Saturday happened to be my friend's birthday, so we were able to celebrate with them.  And we always have such a good time catching up with what everyone has been doing.  It does seem as if 'old' friends are the best friends, sometime.  We have much history together and haven't allowed the years to erode the friendship.  (For those who have forgotten--or never knew--she has been my friend since fourth grade when my family moved in next door to hers.  He was K's best friend in the Navy.  We introduced them and they got married.  LOTS of history.  ;))

I have always been jealous of my friend's artistic abilities.  She is quite creative and paints wonderfully.  HE is very good at woodcraft and the two of them have combined their talents and make wood jigsaw puzzles.  She does the design and painting and he cuts the wood.  The results are quite spectacular and we were the recipients of one of their creations last week.

As I said, this puzzle is wood and is in its own frame.  There are 50+ pieces to it and every piece is a different color.  Each piece is completely painted, front and back.  And the puzzle can be put together both ways--so I can turn the puzzle over and make it that way, as well as from the 'right side'.  I haven't removed this from the frame yet and am not sure I will--I'm afraid if I take this apart I won't be able to put it back together  or that it will take days (weeks?) to complete it.  I'm sure if I decide to take it apart, I will put a mark on each piece so that I can distinguish the 'right side' from the 'back side'--that will make it a bit easier to put together.  :)

I'm not too sure what I will be doing with this puzzle.  Of course, I want to keep it on display, but I'm not sure how.  We don't have a coffee table--and this would be the PERFECT spot--so right now I have it on our chess table.  If I keep the puzzle flat, I would like to get a piece of plexiglass cut for the top so that no damage can be done to it.  However, I might just prop it up and put it to the back of one of my book cases and use it as a background for some of my other 'treasures.'  For now however, I just want it where I can look at it and be amazed at the wonderful craftsmanship.

And here are a couple of closeup pics to see how nicely this is was done:

Remembering a Friend

The Butchart Gardens--not one of Pete's designs (that I know of ;))

My last post was about my friend Pete and the fact that he was living his last days here on earth.  Five days later, he breathed his last.  I have been so incredibly saddened by all of this and came to the conclusion that I have to write this post before I can move along.  Here is the story of Pete.

Pete's mother and my uncle's wife were half-sisters.  It seems strange that Pete and I didn't meet until I was in the later years of elementary school, as 'back home' is a very small and close community.  As it is, I first met Pete after my mother began working for his family and she took me to work with her.  He was two years older than me and it was obvious that his task was to keep me entertained so that my mother could get on with her work.  Even though Pete was in early middle-school, he never gave me the impression that I was a pain-in-the-ass or that he didn't want to spend time with me.  And this is the kind of person he was.

Pete's family owned greenhouses and a floral shop.  I still believe that my experiences there are what have made me love flowers and floral design as I do.  (I am not now, nor have I ever been, a professional designer--I have taken several classes and enjoy the process of making arrangements very much.)  We would walk through the greenhouses and see all of the flowers growing--I remember being shown how they planted poinsettias.  Pete and I even 'manned' the road-side store/hothouse on numerous occasions.  Other than this, I don't remember much of what we did on the days I spent there.  This is when we became friends.

As the years went on, I quit going to work with my mother, but Pete and I then became 'phone-buddies.'  The phone was about the only way we kept in contact, as we lived in different towns and went to different schools.  This is not to say we didn't get a chance to see each other, just that it wasn't very often.  Whenever I would babysit, Pete and I usually had marathon phone sessions.  I have no idea what our conversations were about, but I'm sure it helped solidify our friendship.

Just before I began dating my first love, Pete and I went out a couple of times to the movies.  It was as friends having fun together, but I often wonder if he would have wanted to move into a different direction.  This was not something I was interested in, so any spark was extinguished before it even began.  And this worked out well for each of us.

During my 'dating years' of high school, Pete and I had very minimal contact.  We both were busy with different aspects of our lives and with him being older than me, he moved onto college and the real world sooner than I did.  Pete got his degree in biology at our local university and spent many years working the family business before moving to Oregon.  When he moved to Oregon, he got his master's degree in horticulture and met and married his wife.  They returned to the family business and he helped make the area just that much more beautiful with all of his gardening skills and advice.

I must say a bit about Pete's skills with everything green.  He was the go-to guy when anyone had problems with their lawns or plants--and everyone in a 100 mile radius of where he lived knew him and went to him for advice.  Not only did he have his own call-in talk show on the local radio station, but he also taught the master gardener's classes for many years.  My sister-in-law tells the story of bringing a tree branch into his store in order to ask advice.  She said he told her more about the tree the branch was from than she ever wanted to know and he was able to tell her what was wrong with it and how to take care of it.  His knowledge was immense.

Pete and his wife ran the business for 25 years before retiring and returning to Oregon.  He continued with his love of 'beautifying' places and worked for the town they lived in as their master landscapist/gardener.  After being diagnosed two years ago with leukemia, he was only able to get back to his job for a few short weeks--something that must have saddened him beyond words.

Since high school, Pete and I saw each other rarely.  Actually, we had almost no direct contact with each other.  We didn't write and we didn't call.  This may seem strange, but it is what it is.  The most surprising thing, though, is that whenever we DID get together, it was as if we had just talked to each other the previous week.  We had a strong connection somehow and time didn't seem to diminish that in the least.  When we would see each other, after the first few minutes of catching up with each other's lives, we would settle into our friendship and just be able to talk.  It truly was an amazing relationship.

What can I say about Pete, the person?  He had the kindest, gentlest spirit of anyone I know.  As I said, he was a genius when it came to growing things, but I also remember he played the organ beautifully.  (I'm not sure if he continued playing after high school, but I remember him playing for me when I would visit at his parent's house.)  He was very spiritual and a very dedicated member of their church.  His wife had a particularly bad bout with breast cancer a few years ago and I'm sure her getting through it was partly the reason they were so optimistic about his chances of beating the leukemia.  Sadly, it didn't happen.

Arrangements are still being finalized for Pete's memorial services.  There will be one in Oregon and another 'back home.'  I don't think I will be attending the one back home, simply because of the enormous amount of people that will be there.  If less than 500 people attend the service for him, I will be shocked.  And in that crowd, I won't be missed by anyone.  I will send a card and note to his wife and remember him in my own way.

Dear Pete:  I am saddened by your death, but happy that you are now at peace.  I cannot imagine the joy you felt when you got to see the gardens of heaven and realized you get to spend eternity doing the very thing you loved best, taking care of flowers.  I will never forget you, my friend.  With love.

RIP

So Very Saddened

Almost a year ago, I shared the story of my friend Pete who was battling a very virulent type of leukemia.  He was doing quite well, but he (along with his wife and medical professionals) decided he would go for the 'permanent' cure and do a blood marrow transplant.  At the time, no cancer cells had been found in his body for over six months, but the doctors recommended the transplant as an extra step toward cure.  Pete and his wife decided to go along with the recommendation and he had his transplant on 8 August 2011.  Since then--as well as before--I have been following his 'story' on his webpage on CaringBridge.  This morning I read the latest post, written on 1 May:  Pete is going to stop struggling and hanging on and make arrangements to go into hospice.  It has been quite a while since I have been so saddened by something I have read.

The transplant went well for Pete and he even managed to go back home for a short period of time, but that is all.  Most of his time has been in a medical setting of one kind or another, whether a hospital, a long-term medical care facility, a rehab/physical therapy facility, or 'halfway' house.  He has struggled with emergency surgeries, enormous amounts of medications, side-effects from the medications, and other horrifying problems.  I'm not sure if he has gone many days without pain of one sort or another.  The struggle has been enormous and the doctors have said it is time to come to an end, they have no more that they can do for him.  It is at times like this that we realize how much medicine is still in its infancy.

I will spend the next days praying for Pete.  I will pray that his last days on this earth are as pain free as possible and that he and his wife can have the closure they need.  And I will pray that they will not look on the attempt to prolong his life as a mistake.  That last prayer, more than anything.  Go with God, Pete--I know He will welcome you with open arms and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."  (Matthew 25:21)

A Wonderful Friend

When K and I joined a church here, I found a woman who became one of my best friends.  She was a year older than me, a stay-at-home mom like I was, and had three children my girls' ages.  We connected instantly and have been great friends for 20+ years.  She has been there for me throughout all of the problems K and I had with our girls and she was always a shoulder for me to lean on.  She has listened to me, cried with me, and given me great advice.  She has been a spiritual adviser and one of my 'rocks.'  And I love her dearly.  To top it all off, we share the same first name.  :)

After many years of marriage, C's husband divorced her.  She didn't want it, but there was nothing she could do--we live in a no-fault divorce state.  C is a very private, stoic Finn and she never told me why her husband divorced her--although I have my own opinion on that subject.  I hope I was able to help her in some small way while she was going through her worse days.  She has said that she will always love her ex, but she has moved on.  Today she has a male companion, but she has said she would never remarry.

C is a very funny lady and whenever we get together, we laugh until we're on the verge of peeing our pants.  We try to go out to dinner once a month in order to keep up with each other's lives, but we don't always succeed.  Tomorrow night we will get together for the first time since before Christmas.  And that is a shame that we have let it go so long.  We will have a good time, as always.

As I said, C is very funny.  She has a subtle, dry humor which I gravitate to, because it is the same as my own humor--and I have two examples to share.  First, she is 'suffering' from age like most of the rest of us and has that 'middle-aged spread' and accompanying weight gain that is all too common.  Whenever she goes to see her doctor, as is usual, the nurse wants to weigh her.  C allows herself to be weighed only once a year and that is at her annual physical.  Every other time she goes in, she tells the nurse to put down 'Still fat' as her weight.  :D  Second example:  She just went to see her doctor recently and the office is putting all of the patient records on computer.  This meant that the doctor had to retake C's health history.  When the doctor asked C if she had any STD's, C said 'I wish.'  :D  C said the appointment went downhill from there.  A funny, funny lady--and I can't wait for our dinner and a visit.