Saturday, September 30, 2006

Garter Belts and Stockings




OK, I don't know WHAT it is about me, but... Here is the story:

I went to do a much needed shopping tonight--our pantry has been looking like Mother Hubbard's cupboard and we were in desperate need of TP, so I had to go. I went to Wal Mart for cat food, toothpaste, and all of the other non-food essentials, and while I was there I decided to look for a new nightgown for myself. I don't buy 'lingerie,' I buy comfortable nightshirts and that is what I was looking at. All of a sudden, a man in his late twenties called out to me, "Excuse me, but do you know where the stockings are that would go with these?" (He was pointing out the garter belts that he had been looking at.) Without thinking--or maybe I was too shocked to think--I brought him over to the stockings that would 'go with' the garter belts. (I even explained to him that he needed to look for 'stockings' and not for anything that said 'pantyhose.') He then thanked me and proceeded to look for what he wanted. I hurried away as fast as I could. This was another 'don't ask, don't tell.'

Friday, September 29, 2006

My Idea Of A Watch Dog

The Birth Order Of Children

THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from their allowance!!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Blah Day

--Doesn't seem to be my best day. First off, it is one looooong day. After getting to bed rather early last night, at 1:00am, I woke up before 6:00am and could not get back to sleep. So I have been wandering around the house trying to get enough energy going to actually do something. It doesn't help that K had to go back to bed with a headache--which he NEVER gets! That leaves my options as to what I can do, limited. After all, I don't think he would be too thrilled with me trying to change the bedding OR vacuuming while his head is pounding!

--I guess I could go out and do the grocery shopping, but then I would have to deal with the people who go out during the day--and I can't handle that. Whenever I go to do shopping in the morning, I ALWAYS have to deal with 80-year-olds who cannot make up their minds, move very quickly, and are deaf. Doesn't put me in a good mood. If I shop in the afternoon, I ALWAYS am surrounded by young mothers with at least two pre-school aged kids who are in need of a nap. Can't deal with that either. I always find the best time for me to shop is in the early to late evening--but, then, the stores don't have enough check-outs open to accommodate the shoppers! Oh, well, that is a bit better to deal with--at least I can listen to my music while standing in line.

--For some reason or another, the Internet is so sloooooow today. It is almost like I am on dial-up! {shudder} I sure hope it is the entire Internet and not my ISP--for what I'm paying per month, everything should work PERFECTLY ALL of the time. Only in my dreams, I guess.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A Truthful In-Flight Announcement

I believe I found this on mental_floss--not sure. Hope you enjoy.


In-flight announcements are not entirely truthful. What might an honest one sound like?

“GOOD morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to welcome you aboard Veritas Airways, the airline that tells it like it is. Please ensure that your seat belt is fastened, your seat back is upright and your tray-table is stowed. At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.

The flight attendants are now pointing out the emergency exits. This is the part of the announcement that you might want to pay attention to. So stop your sudoku for a minute and listen: knowing in advance where the exits are makes a dramatic difference to your chances of survival if we have to evacuate the aircraft. Also, please keep your seat belt fastened when seated, even if the seat-belt light is not illuminated. This is to protect you from the risk of clear-air turbulence, a rare but extremely nasty form of disturbance that can cause severe injury. Imagine the heavy food trolleys jumping into the air and bashing into the overhead lockers, and you will have some idea of how nasty it can be. We don't want to scare you. Still, keep that seat belt fastened all the same.

Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.

Please switch off all mobile phones, since they can interfere with the aircraft's navigation systems. At least, that's what you've always been told. The real reason to switch them off is because they interfere with mobile networks on the ground, but somehow that doesn't sound quite so good. On most flights a few mobile phones are left on by mistake, so if they were really dangerous we would not allow them on board at all, if you think about it. We will have to come clean about this next year, when we introduce in-flight calling across the Veritas fleet. At that point the prospect of taking a cut of the sky-high calling charges will miraculously cause our safety concerns about mobile phones to evaporate.

On channel 11 of our in-flight entertainment system you will find a video consisting of abstract imagery and a new-age soundtrack, with a voice-over explaining some exercises you can do to reduce the risk of deep-vein thrombosis. We are aware that this video is tedious, but it is not meant to be fun. It is meant to limit our liability in the event of lawsuits.

Once we have reached cruising altitude you will be offered a light meal and a choice of beverages—a word that sounds so much better than just saying ‘drinks’, don't you think? The purpose of these refreshments is partly to keep you in your seats where you cannot do yourselves or anyone else any harm. Please consume alcohol in moderate quantities so that you become mildly sedated but not rowdy. That said, we can always turn the cabin air-quality down a notch or two to help ensure that you are sufficiently drowsy.

After take-off, the most dangerous part of the flight, the captain will say a few words that will either be so quiet that you will not be able to hear them, or so loud that they could wake the dead. So please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. We appreciate that you have a choice of airlines and we thank you for choosing Veritas, a member of an incomprehensible alliance of obscure foreign outfits, most of which you have never heard of. Cabin crew, please make sure we have remembered to close the doors. Sorry, I mean: ‘Doors to automatic and cross-check’. Thank you for flying Veritas.”

The Eight Creepiest Celebrity Parents

Here is an article from Courttv.com. And here is the link to the story on their site. For convenience purposes, I am posting the entire article here--hope I'm not asked to remove it!

The Eight Creepiest Celebrity Parents
By Rina Raphael

Is it just us or are celebrity parents getting very scary?

We don't just mean weirdos like Michael Lohan, who is currently in a state prison writing songs and drawing cartoons about his love for estranged daughter Lindsay. Or Joe Simpson, who is prone to wax about Jessica's breasts and, according to Radar magazine, recently shot "racy" and "private" pictures of his daughters for sale to the highest bidder.

We mean celebs who appear to have little idea on how to actually raise children, making inappropriate comments, putting their offspring at risk or just plain seem dangerous the moment their nannies take a coffee break and they have to parent themselves.

1. Michael Jackson

Where oh where do we start? The King of Pop, who brother Jermaine insists "bought his kids," reached new levels of idiotic notoriety when he dangled young son Prince from a Berlin hotel balcony, later claiming he was just"caught in the moment." Adding insult to parental lunacy, Jackson has kept his two other young children veiled like Burka-encrusted midgets, to reportedly "protect" them from the public.

2. Courtney Love

Courtney earns "questionable mothering" status for admitting to Vanity Fair that she used heroin while pregnant with daughter Frances Bean. The report led the Los Angeles County Department of Children's Services to temporarily remove the child to the home of Love's sister. The bizarre rocker has since denied shooting up, telling author Michael Azerrad "they took our baby away, and there was nothing wrong with her."

3. Kate Moss

As the supermodel chatted lovingly of her young daughter Lila Grace, it would have been a nice maternal moment—except that she was snorting lines of cocaine with boyfriend Pete Doherty at the time. Forced into rehab, the beauty with the runny nose reportedly missed her child's next birthday party because she was in a rehab center trying to overcome her addictions to drugs, partying and sex.

4. Woody Allen

Mia Farrow simply wasn't enough to quench this director's wandering eye, which soon landed on her adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn, who was 21 years-old at the time. The actress found out about the affair when she visited Allen at his apartment and found nude photos of Previn. While Allen has always denied he was the step-father of his future bride, his actions were still extremely bizarre.

5. Chevy Chase

In an interview with Maxim magazine the "National Lampoon" star recounted his favorite parenting memory, which seemed far more disturbing than it did amusing: "My youngest, who's 17, seems to be identical to the way I was in my perception of the world I mean, I can remember the first time I called her a whore. We just laughed for half an hour."

6. Donald Trump

While visiting the menopause crew on "The View," the smug tycoon was asked how he'd respond if daughter Ivanka, 24, posed for Playboy. Trump said the decision would be "disappointing" but "it would depend on what's inside the magazine." Adding fuel to the fire, he admitted that he thought his daughter "does have a very nice figure. I've said if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."

7. Michael Douglas

During a vacation in Spain, the Hollywood icon was stung on his back by a jellyfish. Did he call a doctor or visit the hospital? Nope. Instead, he had his five year-old son Dylan urinate on the injury, according to The World Entertainment Network. "I turned to Dylan and went, 'Son, you're just going to have to pee-pee on Daddy's back,'" said Douglas. "There's sort of a remedy that we've all heard. He did a brief pause and went, 'Excuse me? Let me get some more water to drink. I don't get these chances very often!'"

8. Melanie Griffith

The paparazzi captured the actress, with a cig hanging out of her mouth, lighting up her 17-year-old daughter's cigarette in Los Angeles this summer. Griffith embodies the Hollywood adage, "the family that lights up together, ultimately battles lung cancer together."

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Blog Maintenance and Hockey

--I just finished putting labels on all 400+ posts in this blog. What a pain in the ass! I'm sure I could have been better at labeling some of the posts, but it just got to be too much after awhile. I hope it will help readers find something interesting when they get here.

--The Red Wings won 4-2 tonight. It really was a closer game than the score shows--they got an empty-net goal in the final seconds. I realize the pre-season games are for the wanna-be players to show their stuff and whether they are worthy enough to play with the big boys, but for crying out loud, the games have been lousy. I really haven't seen much good hockey playing yet and I hope it changes when the season starts! Time will tell.

Elections

Election day is just around the corner. And if I didn't already know that, the television and phone would let me know very quickly.

First, the TV. We have had political ads since, at least, the beginning of the year. There are many people dissatisfied with our present, first-term, governor, and the man who would become her opponent came out early with his political ads. Our governor didn't run ads until after the primaries--after her opponent started to climb in the polls. And now we have back-to-back political ads ALL OF THE TIME. First one candidate will come on and sling mud, then the other one will come on and defend him/herself and sling mud in the other direction. It has gotten so bad, that I can recite BOTH candidates commercials by heart--and we still have over a month to go before the election! I'm about ready to say, "Screw this!" and put myself down as a write-in candidate when I get in the voting booth!

Second, the telephone. I am getting to the point where I want to just turn my phone off because I am getting so many political calls. Yes, I just hang up immediately, but they are an annoyance, nonetheless. There is nothing like running to the phone, tripping over the cat, sliding on the hardwood floor, banging into the table and getting a bruise, just so I can answer the phone and hear, "So-and-so did such-and-such. Would you like him/her to run Michigan for the next four years?" I was going to listen to all of the taped messages just so I could get in touch with each campaign after every call, but it got to be too time consuming--that is how many calls I get! I am assuming they are NOT bound by the do-no-call list, but I don't know why--and I don't know how to get OFF of the lists they have.

What I find the most unsettling about the entire political process, though, are the voters. These ad campaigns work because voters will just hear what one candidate says and believe it--then vote accordingly. There will be NO homework, no digging into what the truth of the matter is, and no determining who the best person for the job is. My biggest criteria for voting: I WILL NOT knowingly vote for any candidate that is pro-choice--period. Other than that, I do my homework and vote for the person, not the party affiliation--although it is hard to vote for one party because of my rule. I WILL NOT vote for someone just because he/she is pro-life--that isn't enough to get my vote. And if after all of my research, I find neither candidate worthy of my vote, then I will not vote for either--that is my right.

Nickel Fortune

A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting on her flight to Chicago. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune, and thought to herself, "I'll give it a try and see what it tells me."

She went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in, and out came a card that read,"You are a nun, you weight 128 lbs., you are going to Chicago".

The nun sat back down. She told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone. The more she thought about it, the more curious she got, so she decided to try it again.

She went back to the machine and again put her nickel in, and out came a card that read, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you are going to Chicago, and you are going to play a fiddle."

The nun said to herself, "I know that is wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life." She sat back down. From out of nowhere a cowboy came over and sat down, putting his fiddle case in the seat between them. Without thinking, she opened the cowboy's case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music.

Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine, thinking, "This is incredible, I've got to try this again. Back to the machine she went, put another nickel in, and another card came out. It read, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you are going to Chicago and you are going to break wind."

Now she knows the machine is wrong, as she thought to herself, "I've never broken wind in public a single time in my life," but getting down off the machine she slipped, and as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor...she broke wind.

Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine; she said to herself, "This is truly remarkable! I have got to try this again." She went back to the machine, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read:

"You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you have fiddled and farted around, and have now missed your fight to Chicago....."

(It took awhile to get there, but I hope you enjoyed!)

Friday, September 22, 2006

Scared To Go To Sleep

EDITED

What do the following things have in common:

The Brother
The Mother
The Father
my old Cavalier
a greenhouse/little zoo*
my house, but not my house
Eric Clapton (but the way he looked in the 70s), wife, and kids
a fire
a fire extinguisher
a computer keyboard
me losing my shoes
an extended-cab pick-up

The answer: they were all in my dream last night! I can't even begin to explain the storyline of the whole thing, but rest assured, I am scared to go to sleep in case I have another dream of sufficient weirdness! :)

*After much thought, it was a combination of a local greenhouse and the Butterfly Conservatory in Niagara Falls.

At Last

Yes, I know it is ONLY the third pre-season game and the regular season doesn't start for awhile yet, but I was beginning to wonder if the Wings were EVER going to win! And they did tonight: 5-4 against Tampa Bay. Don't need to worry anymore--I hope.

My Time Of Year

Today was the typical fall day--and fall begins today, what a coincidence! ;) Anyway, the temp was in the 50s, it was grey and damp. The perfect day to put a batch of stew going in the Crock-Pot, bake some banana bread, and sit back with a hot cup of tea and a good book. My kind of day.

It looks like we will not be able to get up north for the peak of the color season--DAMN! We haven't been in such a long time that I was hoping to get up there to take some pictures. But, K is doing the overtime bit again, so we will be sticking close to home till after the colors peak.

On a good note, though, he may take a few days off the first week in October and then we can go down to Appleton--I feel a shopping trip coming on! I REALLY need to hit a Sam's soon--I am running out of EVERYTHING! There are a few other places I would like to get to, also, but the best part of the trip is getting together with our friends--we haven't seen them since July. Even though we have been on trips since July, the Appleton run is always a bit more relaxing because we KNOW what we are doing ahead of time. Hell, we have THAT trip so well organized that I can practically give a minute-by-minute account of where we will be at any given moment! :)

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Again

After an overtime period and a shootout, the Wings lost again. DAMN! I sure hope this isn't a preview of this season--I won't be a happy camper if it is.

Politically Correct

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." -- Joseph Wood Krutch



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She's "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She's a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Another Change

I had the setting for comments as a 'pop-up box,' but I am having trouble with the pop-up! I can't see the entire box and can't resize it, so I have had to change the setting and there will be no more pop-up. My not being able to resize the box is something that has just started since I migrated to Blogger beta--but I already was having different problems before. The problems I have only seem to be consistent with my use of Firefox, as they disappear when I use IE. I don't understand this as it is stated that Blogger beta works best in Firefox AND IE. I probably should get in touch with Blogger and see if this is a bug that needs to be fixed--or if they already HAVE a fix for it. But for now, I'm just too lazy! ;)

Heartwarming Story

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day
observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f***ing sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye doesn't it?

Changing Again

Well, I did it--I migrated to Blogger beta. I can see how I possibly could have a lot of fun with this, but there still seem to be some issues that need straightening out. We'll see how it goes.

I am not too sure when I will start using the 'labels' for my posts--I probably will at some time, but that almost seems to be too much thinking for me to do! I'm sure it will come in time. Anyway, I think I will enjoy this--hope you all like the new look.

And now for some sad news: the Red Wings lost their first pre-season game tonight. Minnesota beat them 3-2. On a good note: the Wings didn't have most of their 'stars' playing, so I don't think we have too much to worry about. Thursday night we get to watch them play Colorado--I hope we get a better picture as to what this year will bring.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The Weekend Redux

When we got to St Paul on Friday, it was too early to go to our hotel, so we went to see A and her husband. We got a chance to see the new kitten that she is fostering--that little baby is only about 3 weeks old! A got her more than a week ago--the eyes weren't even open yet. She is so small that I could hold her in the palm of my hand. Of course, she needs to be fed with a bottle--EVERY THREE HOURS! That little bundle of fur snuggled into my neck and purred louder than my 16+ pound cat does--she is just so very sweet. A hopes she can pick the person to adopt the kitten--that way it will be easier for her to give it up.

After we got to our room, I looked out the window and saw the Xcel Center right across the street from us. We were able to see the entrance we were to take to get into the concert the following night. I guess the only way we could have been closer is if there were rooms available INSIDE the Center.

That evening we went for a ride to pick up some water and snacks for the room. When we got back to the parking ramp, we noticed the signs about parking prices. From what we could figure out, the parking ramp WASN'T only for hotel guests, but it was open to whoever paid! Once we figured THAT out--and asked around--we realized that we were pretty much stuck at the hotel for most of the day of the concert. Otherwise, there would be no guarantee that we would have a place to park for the evening of the concert! We sure know how to pick places that have screwy parking situations!

All night long there were people camped out on the sidewalk next to the Xcel Center so they could be there when hockey tickets went on sale--for the Minnesota Wild. We were going to look into buying tickets for one of the games they will play with the Red Wings, but wanted to see the inside of the Xcel Center so that we would have an idea where we would want to sit. Tickets went on sale at 9:00am Saturday and, just for shits and giggles, I looked online around 2:00pm and THERE WERE NO TICKETS AVAILABLE! For either game! I was a bit bummed. We might try to get to Detroit this year--with a group--but if we don't make it this year, maybe we will try again next year.

Sitting inside the Xcel Center was an experience for me, in itself. You have to understand, I'm a small town girl. (Read that as 'hick.' :)) Sitting and looking around, I realized that the entire population of the town I live in could fit inside the place--and the population of the town I grew up in could have fit in there over TWENTY times! I almost had a panic attack! (But I didn't.)

The next thing that occurred to me was: how would they ever evacuate the place if it was needed. This came from an honest place: we were under a tornado WARNING for the entire evening. (There actually was a tornado in Rogers, just north of where we were, and a 10-year-old girl was killed.) I told K that the place would be utter chaos if they tried to do an evacuation--can't understand how they could control 20,000 people! A bit of a scary thought--especially since we have never experienced a tornado.

There is a perfect reason that the seats farthest from the stage are called the nose-bleed section--they are so high up that I don't think I would have been able to GET there, much less sit there for any length of time. The people looked like they were literally hanging from the rafters. And they were so far away from us that I couldn't distinguish men from women! A bit too high for me.

We witnessed only one almost-incident during the concert: a man came close to decking a woman! This guy was sitting a few seats down from K and there was a man and woman sitting in front of him--and the couple decided to stand up for a song. Well, the guy didn't take too kindly to not being able to see and asked them to sit down. They didn't. He asked again. They didn't. Then some words were exchanged and finally the guy just gave up--thankfully. But, the look on his face made me believe that he REALLY wanted to deck the broad--he was not a happy camper.

Talking about happy campers: K asked me after we left the Center if I smelled the guy in front of me. I didn't know WHAT the hell he was talking about until he said the guy was smoking pot off and on through the whole concert! This is how much I was in my own little world: I didn't notice the idiot smoking pot and I failed to get a contact high! So went my night. ;)

After going for breakfast with A and her husband on Sunday, we got on the road and made it home in about 7 hours. Not bad--but still too fast of a trip. I think when we do the trip again, I will insist on staying three nights like we did the first time--it keeps us from getting too overtired! And besides, there were things I would have liked to have done, but we just didn't have the time.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Unbelievable

I have married a wonderful man, given birth to two kids, and become a grandmother to five kids and yet, tonight is definitely in my top 10 of all time greatest times of my life. Yes, people, I am talking about the Eric Clapton concert. For over two hours I was transfixed--I could barely speak or think anything other than "I can't believe I am ACTUALLY seeing EC, in the flesh, playing so unbelievably." I can't even explain how overwhelmed I was by the whole experience.

For anyone who likes blues/rock, and who especially likes guitar solos, the Xcel Center was the place to be. In virtually every song, we got to hear at least two or three solos--sometimes as many as five! EC was in such good form, but he also had some awesome guitarists with him. Doyle Bramhall II is one great guitar player, and while he was great, nobody could come close to the 26-year-old slide guitarist (Derek Trucks)--that kid is going to have himself one hell of a career. Robert Cray--the opening act--also played on a few songs, and he is fantastic.

EC doesn't talk during his concerts and no one cared! It was non-stop music--just what we were there for. The crowd was animated for the entire show, but from the opening notes of Layla, through Cocaine, after the band left and returned to the stage, and through the encore, Crossroads, no one sat down. To say the noise level was a low roar is putting it mildly! As far as I could tell, everyone felt they got their money's worth tonight. When I spoke about the concert in the weeks leading up to it, I said I would be happy and satisfied if ALL I got to hear EC play was Wonderful Tonight, Layla, and Cocaine. Well, I got that and much, much more!

It now has been almost three hours since the concert ended and I am still ecstatic. I think I will get out the Zen Micro and listen to all the songs I heard earlier, again. I will have good dreams tonight!

(And after I get home, I will be able to get back to my normal life--no more thinking about the up-coming concert as I did all last week! :))

Friday, September 15, 2006

Off For The Weekend?

The concert is this weekend, so I will be one busy little person! I really don't know if I will have time to post, but if I have time I will try. I hope everyone's weekend will be as enjoyable as I know mine will be! So, on that note, here is a little something to make you smile:

The Perfect Couple
(it is an equal opportunity both gender-bashing joke!)

Thursday, September 14, 2006

She Just Couldn't Wait To Open Her Mouth...

...and spew forth her hatred of mainstream America. I am talking about Rosie O'Donnell and her hate-filled comments comparing 'radical Christians' to 'radical Muslims.' She had the nerve to use the anniversary of 9/11--and her position on The View--to tell America that Christians are responsible for bombing innocents in other countries and that they are no better than terrorists! (I am paraphrasing--you can read the entire story here.) I certainly hope there is a huge outcry over this--but I am not holding my breath. It is just too easy in this country for someone to malign the Christian community--and, basically, be applauded for it. Listen, people, it is okay to turn the other cheek, but we MUST start demanding equal respect! This is just going from bad to worse and we must stop this. Send an email to ABC and demand an apology--we have to stand up for our rights, too.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Respect

After my last post, I remembered one thing that The Mother taught me that I will never forget--and hope to adhere to always.

One day when I was younger--probably high school age--I made some kind of a very disrespectful remark about the then-president while The Mother and I were talking. (Don't remember who the president was, though.) Anyway, she swung around and fixed that steely glare of hers on me and said, "You WILL NOT talk about ANY president that way. You may not agree with him, but you WILL treat him with respect because he IS the president. You respect the office, even if you cannot respect the man." (She was not this president's biggest fan, either.)

Wouldn't it be nice if we as a society could act this way? I have no problem with people who disagree with our government and the way things are handled. That is what it means to be in a free society: you can disagree without fear of reprisal. What I cannot abide is ANYONE calling our leaders a "dumb f***" or "Beelzebub." Frankly, I think that says a lot more about the idiot making the statement than it does about the person they are taking about.

Dumb Asses

--From tmz.com:

It's been more than three years since the Dixie Chicks sparked a media firestorm by announcing they were "ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas." Now, the embattled country stars are reigniting the blaze with a highly controversial documentary featuring lead singer Natalie Maines calling President Bush a "dumb f---."

According to Entertainment Weekly, one memorable scene from "Dixie Chicks: Shut Up and Sing" shows the singers watching a news report on President Bush's reaction to their infamous on-stage comment. In the report, Bush says ''the Dixie Chicks are free to speak their mind,'' adding, ''they shouldn't have their feelings hurt just because some people don't want to buy their records when they speak out. You know, freedom is a two-way street.'' After watching this footage, Maines then repeats the president's comment and says, ''What a dumb f---.'' She then looks into the camera, as if addressing Bush himself, and reiterates, ''You're a dumb f---.''

(Read the story here.)

--From NewsMax.com:

Sean Penn is at it again, shooting off his mouth at a news conference for the Toronto International Film Festival and calling President Bush "Beelzebub."

Penn used the biblical term for a prince of devils while promoting the remake of the political drama "All the King's Men" on Sunday.

"One could make the argument that George Bush is a good politician," Penn said at one point. Then he added: "I think the issue is how you define politician. Once upon a time, politics was the organization of things to benefit the people."

Penn said the definition has changed – much as it has for "good actor," which now means, he said, "contest winner," Editor & Publisher reported.

"So that's the level of politician I think he's good at," Penn continued. "Out of context, he's Beelzebub – and a dumb one."

(Read the story here.)

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

As I was paying for my purchases at the grocery store last night, a 40-somethingish man came into the checkout behind me. He placed his items on the counter: a bottle of Jim Beam and a bottle of baby oil. I don't want to know.

Quick Thinking :)

"Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives."-- Stephen Baker

LOVE this joke! Enjoy.

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."

"No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

Friday, September 08, 2006

Just A Case Of 'Why Buy The Cow...'

I am so happy I was not drinking anything when I read this--otherwise, I would have snorted my drink all over. Brad Pitt gave the reason (read that as 'excuse') he and Angelina Jolie aren't getting married: gays aren't allowed to marry. He said in Esquire magazine: "Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able." What a crock!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Got A Phone Call Today From C...

You just KNOW that it is going to be good when the post starts out like that! Anyway, C called to tell me that a woman came to her door this afternoon and asked if she lost a child! C was a bit confused and asked what she meant and the woman explained that she just saw a boy a couple of blocks over, playing with a group of boys, that looked like Marcus, who is 2. C thought that he was upstairs playing with the 3-year-old, but went to look--sure enough, he was gone. While C and her husband were unpacking some more boxes--they are ALMOST done!--Marcus had let himself out, through LOCKED doors, and found his way to the far neighbor's house to play. Of course, she had gotten him home by the time she called me and he was FURIOUS! Had a bit of a temper tantrum because he didn't want to be brought home. C is beside herself with not knowing what to do. There doesn't seem to be any lock that the kid can't open and there are only so many ways you can lock a door before it becomes a safety hazard, especially in case they would have to leave the house quickly! The first thing they have to do is buy the alarms that let you know the door was opened, but beyond that, they are at a loss. I feel for her, even though I DID place the Mother's Curse on her! :)

And from the WGAS file: Katie Couric started her gig as anchor of the CBS Evening News. First, does anyone REALLY care? Second, I think CBS will be scrambling to keep their ratings up. Just another reason I very rarely watch the evening news on ANY network.

He Just Doesn't Have The Balls

"Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this by all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish."--James Gorman


Do the other dogs make fun of yours when he goes to the dog park? Does your dog run away in embarrassment when the poodle from up the street walks by? Is your dog not quite 'all there' anymore? Well, then, you might look into getting him a pair of Neuticles! That's right, you can get your dog a pair of testicular implants so that he can get back all of the self esteem that he lost when he was neutered. Prices start at only $94 per pair and go up to $919 per pair. That is, unless you want to order a custom sized pair--then the price can be up to $1800. And dogs are not the only animals that can benefit from falsies: cats, horses, and bulls can get them, too. This is NOT a joke, people--this is an honest to goodness product that over 100,000 animals have had implanted. Here is the website for Neuticles.

(Spellchecker suggests 'nutshells' as a correction for 'Neuticles.' I am amused.)

Monday, September 04, 2006

RIP

Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, has died at the age of 44. He was shooting a documentary and was struck in the chest by the barb of a stingray, which caused his death. So very sad for his wife and children. For more of the story, go to Google News.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Sunday PM

About five months ago K was told he needed a crown on one of his molars. Well, they FINALLY--within the last month and a half--have been getting everything going for this to happen. He went in to have the crown put on last week and told the dentist he has been experiencing some amount of sensitivity in the tooth. Low and behold, they did an x-ray and the tooth is infected and he needs to have a root canal done. At least, they found it BEFORE the crown was put on, but they will have to make a new one for him after the root canal is done. Yeah, more waiting. The trouble is, K was never put on an antibiotic with this. I just don't understand what is going on! Luckily, he was able to get an appointment with the endodontist for this coming week, but NOTHING will be able to get done if he is infected! And, believe me, it is getting worse! He had a real bad night last night with the throbbing and it isn't getting any better. He came home after pulling an overtime shift and said today was a bit rough. And of course, it is a holiday weekend, so nothing is open tomorrow. I think I will have to hunt down our dentist's home phone number and have him prescribe something--K can't go on like this until Thursday. Poor baby, I feel so helpless.

The newest installment in our wildlife saga: When K came home from work, there was a heron standing in our backyard. I DON'T think it was a great blue, but it was just as big. This thing had to stand AT LEAST 4 feet tall--maybe more. And when it took off, it was amazing! Absolutely NO sound at all when it flapped its wings. It looked pretty much like this:
(I found the picture here.) And before anyone can comment that I couldn't possibly have this particular bird in my yard, I agree. This pic is of a Goliath heron which is found in Africa, so it is NOT what I saw. I'm just saying this LOOKED like the bird. What we had probably was a blue, maybe a great blue (are they different birds?), but with the sticking-out head feathers NOT sticking out. Oh, nevermind--we had a VERY large bird in our yard today. It was SOME kind of heron. COOL.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

School Days, School Days

"A cat sees no good reason why it should obey another animal, even if it does stand on two legs."-- Sarah Thompson


Here we are at Labor Day weekend. I find, even after all these years, I get a bit of a desire to be getting ready to go back to school. There really is nothing keeping me from going back, other than the fact that I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! Anyway, this got me to thinking about when I actually WAS in school and how things are so different today. Some of the things I went through would seem like a fairy tale to kids today—and even to most of my readers. So here goes, some ancient memories.

In the high school I graduated from, girls HAD to take home economics and boys HAD to take drafting in the ninth grade. End of discussion. Considering just about all of the girls in my class—as well as the rest of the grades—HATED the home ec teacher, a couple of the girls asked to be allowed to take drafting instead. The answer was NO, without explanation. And there was no recourse. This was the way it was and there was no changing it. I’m not exactly sure when this changed—a couple of years later, I believe.

It wasn’t until I was in the tenth or eleventh grade in school before we were allowed to wear pants of any kind to school. Considering most of the school year takes place during snowy weather, you can imagine just how cold we got—and most of us had to walk about a mile to get to the nearest bus stop. This also was during the wearing of ‘micro-mini’ skirts. And, of course, none of us wore boots—it just was not cool. I believe the husband and wife team that the school is named after are just spinning in their graves over the way kids dress these days.

The first university I went to—I have attended two and still am at freshman status :(—was established as a mining engineering school. When I attended, it was primarily an engineering and technology school. The ratio of male to female students was something like 8-1. There were some that didn’t take too kindly to the females coming into the school—one of which was the head of the chemistry department. He was well known to say that women had no business being in any chemistry classes. He had weekly tutoring sessions in his home for groups of students that needed help—but only for male students. (He WAS married, so I believe he was just misogynistic toward female students.) And his attitude was shared by the grad students that ‘watched over’ the freshman classes. The first day I attended my chemistry lab, the grad student in charge told me I was ‘the worst student in the class’ and I ‘had no business being there.’ This came about because I wasn’t proficient with using a slide rule. (We didn’t have pocket calculators back then.) I never attended another chemistry lecture, lab, or class after that day.

I dropped out of this particular school about halfway through the first semester. K and I had been skirting around the issue of where our relationship was heading—kind of hard to have a discussion when we were half a world apart :)—and it seemed as if we might be moving toward marriage. With this in mind—and considering I wasn’t too happy with my academic career—I decided to drop out. To leave, I had to talk to my advisor and get permission, so I made an appointment. I said I wanted to leave because I might be getting married in about a year and wanted to work to save some money. The advisor asked no questions, gave no advice, didn’t try to persuade me to stay, nothing. The permission slip got signed and I was done with the academic world.

Who Will Win THIS One?

So, two of the women that so many in this country are all ga-ga over seem to be feuding. Story goes like this: Oprah asked Angelina Jolie to participate in the charity work that she is doing in Africa. After all, Oprah thought, Angelina loves Africa so much and who in their right mind would EVER turn down Oprah! Angelina basically said 'up yours' to Oprah and refused to help with her charity. Oprah is astonished and furious at Angie and will never--did you hear that? NEVER!--going to ask Angie to help with any of her causes again. This is Angie's payback for Oprah becoming Jennifer Aniston's BFF and siding with her when Brad left. I wonder which one of these women will come out ahead in this? Do we even care? I just hope SOMEONE gets beat down--and I don't care WHICH one! Here is where you can read the whole story. (I'm waiting to see who comes out with the first statement calling the story a lie.)

Friday, September 01, 2006

News

"You own a dog but you feed a cat"--Jenny de Vries


Two 'who gives a shit' stories and one that is quite funny!

--Vanity Fair is going to put the first-ever pictures of TomKat's baby on its cover. Editor Graydon Carter is so afraid of the pictures being leaked beforehand that he has hired armed guards to protect the pics and forced everyone to sign confidentiality agreements. If you are interested, you can read the rest of the story here. But as I said, WGAS!

--Someone decided to make-over Katie Couric with Photoshop. Seems as if there was a pic of her in Watch! magazine which had been Photoshopped so that she looked twenty pounds thinner. Again, if you are interested, here is the link to the story. Again, WGAS!

And the funny story of the week:

--A CNN reporter went to the bathroom during President Bush's Katrina speech. She forgot her microphone was still on. She proceeded to slice-and-dice her sis-in-law and her remarks went over the air! As one comedian said: That should be one INTERESTING Thanksgiving dinner this year! Here is the story.