He Just Doesn't Have The Balls

"Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this by all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish."--James Gorman


Do the other dogs make fun of yours when he goes to the dog park? Does your dog run away in embarrassment when the poodle from up the street walks by? Is your dog not quite 'all there' anymore? Well, then, you might look into getting him a pair of Neuticles! That's right, you can get your dog a pair of testicular implants so that he can get back all of the self esteem that he lost when he was neutered. Prices start at only $94 per pair and go up to $919 per pair. That is, unless you want to order a custom sized pair--then the price can be up to $1800. And dogs are not the only animals that can benefit from falsies: cats, horses, and bulls can get them, too. This is NOT a joke, people--this is an honest to goodness product that over 100,000 animals have had implanted. Here is the website for Neuticles.

(Spellchecker suggests 'nutshells' as a correction for 'Neuticles.' I am amused.)