A Bit Of My Life

Here's the scenario: You go to the frig or pantry to find something. You have a craving. It could be fixings for a sandwich, it could be leftover dessert, it could be potato chips, but you go to get it. For yourself. It is NOT where you left it. And you KNOW where it was put because you put it there. Hell, you put everything in the frig and the pantry because no one else does! What you want is not there. Someone else has eaten what you have been craving. Again.

I thought when the girls left home that this would cease to be as much of a problem. WRONG! I think it is more of a problem for one simple reason: K doesn’t have to ‘pretend’ to eat ‘healthy’ foods as an example to the girls. (Of course, ‘healthy’ is a relative term. Rice Krispie treats for breakfast are okay because they are made with cereal, right? Same goes for oatmeal cookies or Mandarin orange salad made with cottage cheese.)

So, I came home from shopping the other night and we had this conversation:

Me (C): I bought some chips—they had a ‘buy one, get one free’ sale.

K: Oh, good…By the way, what are those Doritos for in the pantry?

C: Doritos? You mean the bag that I hid waaaay in the back, behind the cake carrier, out of plain sight?

(Like there are any others in there—you’ve eaten everything else!)

K: Yeah, those.

C: Excuse me, but HOW did you FIND them?

(You MUST have the nose of a bloodhound because those things were HIDDEN!!)

K: Oh, I was looking around for something to eat.

(Riiiiigggggghhhhhhttttttttt. You were hungry. After all, it has been ONLY two hours since you had that three course meal.)

C: I hid them because they are needed for a casserole I’m going to make. Now you have chips, so it isn’t a problem.

(Of course, I got the blank stare—just as if I was conspiring to keep food away from him. You know, I’m just waiting for him to waste away to normal.)

C: I guess I need to find some other hiding places for things I don’t want you to eat. The vegetable bin was a great hiding place—no one EVER found what I hid in there.

(This last statement produced a look from him like I was speaking Klingon and he never heard the language in his life. Total blank look.)

K: Vegetable bin? You mean the one in the frig? You hid stuff in it?

C: Yes, I hid stuff in it. I ALWAYS had a stash of candy bars, GOOD cookies, and other nummy things there while the girls were growing up. It was the one place I KNEW no one would ever look for something to eat—and I was proven right.

K: Vegetable bin? Hmmmm.

(Yeah, like I will EVER hide anything in there again!)

I relate this little conversation for my readers’ benefit—now you know of a place to hide things where the rest of your family will never find them. It was a good enough hiding place for me to use for over twenty years—and then I went and opened my big mouth. I guess I will just have to find another one. Hmmm, K NEVER goes into the sewing room…