You Might Be a Yooper!

Enjoy this list of things that make us Yoopers who we are--surprisingly, many of these are very, very true! :)
(I compiled this list and have lost the original author's names--I apologize to the very witty people who wrote the lists I took these from.)

If your snowmobile costs more than your kid's college education, you might be a Yooper!

If you install your snow tires in early September, you might be a Yooper!

If your best clothes are reversible; Blaze Orange to Camouflage, you might be a Yooper!

If you think the expression "to open a can of worms" means " to go fishing", you might be a Yooper!

If people in Wisconsin act superior to you, you might be a Yooper!

If you only know Ted Nugent for his archery equipment, you might be a Yooper!

If you saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry" and you've been trying ever since, you might be a Yooper!

If you can ice fish 9 months of the year, you might be a Yooper!

If your summer shirts are plaid wool (same as your winter shirts), you might be a Yooper!

If your ice fishing shanty is better furnished than your house, you might be a Yooper!

If your favorite bar plays both kinds of music, Country AND Western, you might be a Yooper!

If you refer to winter mittens and hat as "choppers" and a "chook", respectively, you might be a Yooper!

If you can spell Ahmeek, know what Ahmeek means, and know where it is, you might be a Yooper!

If your bitter family feud comes to a head over the annual Lions-Packers game, you might be a Yooper!

If you've ever had a snowday after Mother's Day, you might be a Yooper!

If your county spends more time and money on the snowmobile trails than they do the state highways, you might be a Yooper!

If you've been to Holiday and ShopKo more times than you care to count, but you've never been to Dunkin Donuts or a 7-11, you might be a Yooper!

If your basic vehicle survival kit consists of blankets, pillows, a shovel, and rock salt, you might be a Yooper!

If you have a bumper sticker that says "Say Ya To Da UP," you might be a Yooper!

If you plan your vacation around deer season, you might be a Yooper!

If you use venison hamburger to make chili, you might be a Yooper!

If going up north means a hunting trip to Canada, you might be a Yooper!

If you only own three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup, you might be a Yooper!

If you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit, you might be a Yooper!

If you have more miles on your snowblower than your car, you might be a Yooper!

If you have 10 favorite recipes for venison, you might be a Yooper!

If your TrueValue Hardware on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas, you might be a Yooper!

If you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard, you might be a Yooper!

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow, you might be a Yooper!

If you think everyone from the city has an accent, you might be a Yooper!

If you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons, you might be a Yooper!

If you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car, you might be a Yooper!

If the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports, you might be a Yooper!

If your snowblower gets stuck on the roof, you might be a Yooper!

If you think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday, you might be a Yooper!

If summer takes place the second week of July (and it still rains!!), you might be a Yooper!

If you find -20°F a little chilly, you might be a Yooper!

If you’ve attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your snowmobile boots, you might be a Yooper!

If you know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction, you might be a Yooper!

If the municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus, you might be a Yooper!

If you have a "camp," not a "cottage," you might be a Yooper!

If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding, you might be a Yooper!

If snow tires come standard on all your cars, you might be a Yooper!

If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week, you might be a Yooper!

If you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder, you might be a Yooper!

If octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball, you might be a Yooper!

If a Big Mac is something you can drive across, you might be a Yooper!

If your kid's baseball and softball games have ever been snowed out, you might be a Yooper!

If you bake with "soda" and drink "pop", you might be a Yooper!

If you know what a pasty is, you might be a Yooper!

If your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus, you might be a Yooper!

If you have a favorite hockey team, you might be a Yooper!

If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's, you might be a Yooper!

If you know what a Vernor's is, you might be a Yooper!

If your car rusts out before the brakes wear out, you might be a Yooper!

If your favorite holidays are Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the first day of deer season, you might be a Yooper!

If there are really only TWO seasons: hockey season and off-season (or hunting season and construction season), you might be a Yooper!

If you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," you might be a Yooper!

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might be a Yooper!

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because Houghton/Hancock has the most snow in the nation, you might be a Yooper!

If you think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys, you might be a Yooper!

If you have ever experienced "squeaky" snow, you might be a Yooper!

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might be a Yooper!

If you have ever snow shoed or been to camp, you might be a Yooper!

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might be a Yooper!

If you have ever seen the Northern Lights and / or the Milky Way, you might be a Yooper!

If you have apologized to a telemarketer, you might be a Yooper!

If you think shoveling snow is fun, you might be a Yooper!

If you ever referred to where you live as "God’s Country", you might be a Yooper!

If you ever took a sauna when it was 85 degrees F outside, you might be a Yooper!

If you ever used the expression "Holy Wah!", you might be a Yooper!

If you think that the 15th of November is (or should be) a national holiday, you might be a Yooper!

If you know how to make or pronounce "pasty", you might be a Yooper!

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might be a Yooper!

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might be a Yooper!

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might be a Yooper!

If you know how to say Ontonagon, Lanse, Baraga, Bessemer, Ishpeming, Negaunee, da Sault, and Toivola, you might be a Yooper!

If you grew up thinking rice was only for dessert, you might be a Yooper!

If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters, ..."Hamm's the beer refreshing", you might be a Yooper!


I will be glad to explain any of the above items to anyone who is not a Yooper--at least as well as I am able! :)

What's Happening

The snow came...at least for parts of the UP. Over 8 inches of snow dumped on the part of the UP where K and I grew up--and it is calling for another 8-15 inches through tomorrow. I talked to C tonight and she said school, as well as other activities, were canceled today and tonight. Because of teacher inservices tomorrow, school doesn't need canceling--which is a good thing as there are only a limited amount of 'snow days' available before school districts have to make the days up at the end of the year. Here in the town where we live, everything was white when we woke up, but all of the snow melted during the day. We had quite a wind and that really made it feel very cold--and the wind is supposed to continue through tomorrow. Oh, well, just the beginning of the winter. :)

Watched the hockey game last night and was blown away by the Wings' 9-2 win over Phoenix! They played a good game, but Phoenix isn't exactly the greatest team, so...it was a good game, nonetheless.

Cindi over at Somewhere Over the Rainbow has tagged me to do a new meme, so, for those who are interested, watch for me to post my answers in the next few days. I don't know about anyone else, but I find it absolutely fascinating to read other people's answers to these things!

Did a long-overdue computer maintenance here this afternoon. I have really not been happy with my McAfee security for quite a long time and today I finally got rid of it. I found it to be too expensive and there were too many problems for me to want to keep it. So, I decided to go with a free firewall and free anti-virus--Zonealarm by Zone Labs and AVG Anti-Virus by Grisoft. I'm sure I will be happy with the programs as they have been praised by many, including Maximum PC magazine.

Getting Ready...

I think the next few days around here will be fun...NOT!! We are under a snow and blowing snow advisory for tonight and tomorrow and then it turns into an winter storm warning sometime tomorrow afternoon. They are predicting from 8-10 inches of snow 1oo miles north of us--where my oldest daughter lives. I really don't think it should be so bad in our city--I hope--because we live on the shore of Lake Superior and it tends to protect us from some of the storms. We'll just have to wait and see.

I have to get up from here shortly and start the day. First, I have an appointment with the orthodontist. He STILL wants to see me every 1-3 months--this after having the braces off for well over a year. I think he just likes to look at the teeth and pat himself on the back--after all, he NEVER expected such good results! Then, it is off to the grocery store and Wal Mart--if we are getting a storm, I have to lay in supplies. For some reason or other, I have a NEED to get to the grocery store every time there is a winter storm warning--as if we will DIE of starvation before we can leave the house again. Actually, both K and I could live off of our respective fat reserves for many days and still have only wasted away to normal before we eat again! Oh well, just another one of my crazy quirks. I think it probably stems from the days I was a smoker--heaven FORBID I ran out of cigs during a snow storm! There would have been hell to pay. :)

I'm A Horrible Person :)

Last week I was talking to C when she mentioned the baby's first birthday. EXCUSE ME!?!?!? WHEN is her birthday???? Turns out, Gracie is a one-year-old this Thursday. Now, I went to ALL of my calendars, my PDA, EVERYWHERE, and there is no mention of when Gracie was born. (I DID post on this blog when she was birthed, but I HARDLY EVER read my own blog. :)) What a horrible grandmother I am. But then, in my defense, I DO have five grandchildren and I can't be expected to remember them all equally, can I? ;) I DO remember visiting C night after night the month she was here in the hospital. I DO remember when Gracie was born. I DO remember going to see Gracie while she was here in the hospital for three weeks after she was born. I DO remember when Gracie went home on Halloween. I just don't remember the number of the day she was born! Thank goodness I found out in plenty of time to get her birthday gift. Now, the only problem: how many days AFTER her birthday will it be before she finally GETS her gift from us?

Nothing Interesting

Well, we got home on Friday--late afternoon. I got all of the shopping done that I wanted to do and I must say, I did well for myself! This trip, I found THREE pairs of shoes to buy--doesn't happen often that I find shoes I like AND fit my feet, so I had to buy all three pair. If I keep this up, I'll be getting into Imelda Marcos territory. I also got a couple of Christmas gifts--I wasn't planning on doing Christmas shopping, but when you see something you just MUST buy it because it won't be there the next time! K wants to go back next week Monday or Tuesday--we'll see if it happens.

We were gone for a day and a half and K's work called FOUR times to ask him to do overtime--they even wanted him to do an 18 hour shift today. I can't wait to find out what is going on out at the plant. K IS working today, but just his regular shift. This is the second or third time the plant has called while we have been out of town--I set our home phone to call-forwarding and get the calls on my cell. I am amazed that these people--the bosses--at K's work have NO IDEA what call-forwarding is. They just seem to be all amazed that this is possible.

This is the first time in quite awhile--maybe EVER--that we didn't celebrate our anniversary at all. Our anniversary was on Friday and we did nothing for it. Of course, we weren't home early enough for me to do my usual: make K a special dinner and dessert. I did manage to get a card for him, but he didn't even do that. He better make up for this on my birthday and Christmas--I am expecting GOOD things this year, as usual! :) I guess our anniversary day REALLY isn't any more special than any other day is--after all, we've been together this long, so every day is exceptionally special!

C had the three-year-old in to see the ENT on Friday and they have determined that the little one has a milk allergy! Now, we are not talking lactose intolerance, but a full-fledged, absolutely-NO-milk-products-being-consumed, allergy. She is kind of beside herself as her kids LOVE yogurt, cheese, milk, etc. AND she cooks with cheese, etc, a lot! C is probably going to see a dietician so she can get some help in meal planning--it is REALLY going to be a pain in the ass for her. Thankfully, the doctor said this is the kind of allergy kids usually grow out of--let's hope so.

AND, I'm so happy that I got to see the Red Wings play last night. We missed the season opener because we were not at home, so I especially was glad to watch last night. They lost the game on Thursday, but won against the Penguins last night, 2-0. They played pretty well. I'm a happy camper! :)

Road Trip

We will be leaving in the morning for one of our road trips. Good grief, driving three and a half hours to, basically, go to eat dinner with friends! But, I get to see what is at the stores and--possibly--get an idea for Christmas shopping, so the trip is more than worthwhile. Don't know if I will be posting from the road, so have a great weekend!

What We Prefer

From mental_floss:

More Women Prefer Dogs Over Husbands: An online poll released by DogCatRadio.com, shows more women would rather have a pet than a husband.
(Not a surprise! Dogs give unconditional love—and don’t watch football!)

More Women Prefer Looks Over Money: The more money a woman earns, the more likely she is to prefer good looks to money in her man, a new survey reveals.
(Um, if a woman has money of her own, why wouldn’t she go for the eye candy?)

More women prefer clean-shaven men (70% of women prefer a clean shave, 20% prefer a goatee, 7% prefer a full beard, 3% do not care about facial hair).
(Can anyone say whisker/stubble burn?)

More women prefer shopping for their children than for their spouse (71% compared to 67% for women aged 16-55).
(The kids will at least WEAR the stuff—well, if they are young enough, that is.)

Cable TV’s Oxygen Network recently released a report suggesting that technology advertisers are missing out on a large market share by not marketing to women. The survey found that more and more women prefer technological gadgets to jewelry, clothes and shoes, nearly closing the gap between women and men and their technology needs and uses.
(And why SHOULDN’T women like tech gadgets just as much as men?)

Given the option, more and more women prefer Caesarean section to natural birth.
(Especially if you can have a tummy tuck at the same time! JUST JOKING!)

More women prefer blue eyes (36 percent) to brown or dark eyes (30 percent).
(Ooookaaaay.)

When it comes to having their private parts examined, more women prefer a physician of their own sex. But for treating a broken leg, women don’t seem to give physician sex a second thought, according to a Norwegian study of women aged 36 to 55.
(Who comes up with these questions—and who pays them to ask them?!)

According to a Lifetime Women’s Pulse Poll, three times more women prefer to work for a man, with Bill Gates topping the list of ideal male bosses at 38%. But despite this preference for men, the #1 ideal boss is Oprah Winfrey with 58% of the vote.
(If you say so.)

And now for the men:

More Men Prefer Marriage Over Women: A new study that provides the first inclusive look into the male consciousness found that men are more likely to prefer marriage to single life than women.
(Hello! Especially if the wife does the laundry, right?!)

When it comes time for bottoms up, more men prefer beer and women prefer wine.
(And this is surprising, why?)

More and more men prefer Laser Hair Removal for the most sensitive parts of their bodies. Did you know that 30% of spa visitors are men?
(More info than I needed to know!)

More men prefer Cialis to Viagra.
(Again, more info than I needed to know!)

A survey from Ontrack, a disaster recovery company, claims that more men prefer to try and fix a PC problem themselves.
(But the question is, do they ACTUALLY know WHAT they are doing?)

Although monarch sheets are available in a variety of colors, most men prefer ecru or white.
(Excuse me! And this is relevant, why?)

Researchers say most men prefer women with medium-sized breasts. And 13% have admitted trying on a bra, mostly for fancy dress or a dare, but some for curiosity or pleasure. Most say they found it uncomfortable. 81% of men surveyed say they would have medium-sized breasts if they were women.
(Words fail…)

Fall

Even though the picture I have here ISN'T one I took, it certainly represents fall in the UP. It is a most glorious time of year here--my favorite season. It is just too bad I am so very conflicted at this time of year.

As I said, I love fall. BUT the fall just rolls into 'The Holiday Season'--my WORST time of year. I have always wished I could go to sleep sometime in November--as early in the month as possible, but no later than the day before Thanksgiving--and wake up on January 2nd (even if it DOES mean that I miss my birthday :)). I don't especially remember any wonderful holidays when I was growing up--they weren't actually TERRIBLE for the most part, just not wonderful. The really lousy times started after I got married. The Mother wanted me, K, and the kids with her every minute of the holiday season--NO SHARING AT ALL. This was a bit difficult because K's family lived less than 5 miles from The Parents and they wanted us to spend some time with them, too. The Mother didn't want me to enjoy myself with K's family and would pout if I said I had a nice time. I finally got so fed up with the whole thing that I refused to spend any time outside of our home for the holidays. And that is what happened: we spent the holidays by ourselves with no family around. This, of course, caused everyone to blame me for not spending time with family for the holidays--AND depriving K and the kids from bonding with the families and having wonderful traditions. It was NOT fun. I'm so sorry that I never got to talk to K's mother about this whole thing before she died--I would have wanted to explain things to her. I WON'T even try to explain things to The Mother because she has NEVER done anything that I remember her doing--at least as far as SHE remembers--so why bother.

It would be nice to spend the holidays with our girls and their families, but they spend the time with The Parents and The Brother and his family. C lives there and A travels to spend the time with The Family and probably will again this year--as she has done every year since she left home. That is their choice--one I WILL NOT try to influence in any way. After all, I KNOW what it is like to be told what you HAVE to do--and you have to be strong and have age on your side to defy The Mother.

Garter Belts and Stockings

OK, I don't know WHAT it is about me, but... Here is the story:

I went to do a much needed shopping tonight--our pantry has been looking like Mother Hubbard's cupboard and we were in desperate need of TP, so I had to go. I went to Wal Mart for cat food, toothpaste, and all of the other non-food essentials, and while I was there I decided to look for a new nightgown for myself. I don't buy 'lingerie,' I buy comfortable nightshirts and that is what I was looking at. All of a sudden, a man in his late twenties called out to me, "Excuse me, but do you know where the stockings are that would go with these?" (He was pointing out the garter belts that he had been looking at.) Without thinking--or maybe I was too shocked to think--I brought him over to the stockings that would 'go with' the garter belts. (I even explained to him that he needed to look for 'stockings' and not for anything that said 'pantyhose.') He then thanked me and proceeded to look for what he wanted. I hurried away as fast as I could. This was another 'don't ask, don't tell.'

My Idea Of A Watch Dog

The Birth Order Of Children

THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from their allowance!!

A Blah Day

--Doesn't seem to be my best day. First off, it is one looooong day. After getting to bed rather early last night, at 1:00am, I woke up before 6:00am and could not get back to sleep. So I have been wandering around the house trying to get enough energy going to actually do something. It doesn't help that K had to go back to bed with a headache--which he NEVER gets! That leaves my options as to what I can do, limited. After all, I don't think he would be too thrilled with me trying to change the bedding OR vacuuming while his head is pounding!

--I guess I could go out and do the grocery shopping, but then I would have to deal with the people who go out during the day--and I can't handle that. Whenever I go to do shopping in the morning, I ALWAYS have to deal with 80-year-olds who cannot make up their minds, move very quickly, and are deaf. Doesn't put me in a good mood. If I shop in the afternoon, I ALWAYS am surrounded by young mothers with at least two pre-school aged kids who are in need of a nap. Can't deal with that either. I always find the best time for me to shop is in the early to late evening--but, then, the stores don't have enough check-outs open to accommodate the shoppers! Oh, well, that is a bit better to deal with--at least I can listen to my music while standing in line.

--For some reason or another, the Internet is so sloooooow today. It is almost like I am on dial-up! {shudder} I sure hope it is the entire Internet and not my ISP--for what I'm paying per month, everything should work PERFECTLY ALL of the time. Only in my dreams, I guess.

A Truthful In-Flight Announcement

I believe I found this on mental_floss--not sure. Hope you enjoy.


In-flight announcements are not entirely truthful. What might an honest one sound like?

“GOOD morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to welcome you aboard Veritas Airways, the airline that tells it like it is. Please ensure that your seat belt is fastened, your seat back is upright and your tray-table is stowed. At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.

The flight attendants are now pointing out the emergency exits. This is the part of the announcement that you might want to pay attention to. So stop your sudoku for a minute and listen: knowing in advance where the exits are makes a dramatic difference to your chances of survival if we have to evacuate the aircraft. Also, please keep your seat belt fastened when seated, even if the seat-belt light is not illuminated. This is to protect you from the risk of clear-air turbulence, a rare but extremely nasty form of disturbance that can cause severe injury. Imagine the heavy food trolleys jumping into the air and bashing into the overhead lockers, and you will have some idea of how nasty it can be. We don't want to scare you. Still, keep that seat belt fastened all the same.

Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.

Please switch off all mobile phones, since they can interfere with the aircraft's navigation systems. At least, that's what you've always been told. The real reason to switch them off is because they interfere with mobile networks on the ground, but somehow that doesn't sound quite so good. On most flights a few mobile phones are left on by mistake, so if they were really dangerous we would not allow them on board at all, if you think about it. We will have to come clean about this next year, when we introduce in-flight calling across the Veritas fleet. At that point the prospect of taking a cut of the sky-high calling charges will miraculously cause our safety concerns about mobile phones to evaporate.

On channel 11 of our in-flight entertainment system you will find a video consisting of abstract imagery and a new-age soundtrack, with a voice-over explaining some exercises you can do to reduce the risk of deep-vein thrombosis. We are aware that this video is tedious, but it is not meant to be fun. It is meant to limit our liability in the event of lawsuits.

Once we have reached cruising altitude you will be offered a light meal and a choice of beverages—a word that sounds so much better than just saying ‘drinks’, don't you think? The purpose of these refreshments is partly to keep you in your seats where you cannot do yourselves or anyone else any harm. Please consume alcohol in moderate quantities so that you become mildly sedated but not rowdy. That said, we can always turn the cabin air-quality down a notch or two to help ensure that you are sufficiently drowsy.

After take-off, the most dangerous part of the flight, the captain will say a few words that will either be so quiet that you will not be able to hear them, or so loud that they could wake the dead. So please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. We appreciate that you have a choice of airlines and we thank you for choosing Veritas, a member of an incomprehensible alliance of obscure foreign outfits, most of which you have never heard of. Cabin crew, please make sure we have remembered to close the doors. Sorry, I mean: ‘Doors to automatic and cross-check’. Thank you for flying Veritas.”

The Eight Creepiest Celebrity Parents

Here is an article from Courttv.com. And here is the link to the story on their site. For convenience purposes, I am posting the entire article here--hope I'm not asked to remove it!

The Eight Creepiest Celebrity Parents
By Rina Raphael

Is it just us or are celebrity parents getting very scary?

We don't just mean weirdos like Michael Lohan, who is currently in a state prison writing songs and drawing cartoons about his love for estranged daughter Lindsay. Or Joe Simpson, who is prone to wax about Jessica's breasts and, according to Radar magazine, recently shot "racy" and "private" pictures of his daughters for sale to the highest bidder.

We mean celebs who appear to have little idea on how to actually raise children, making inappropriate comments, putting their offspring at risk or just plain seem dangerous the moment their nannies take a coffee break and they have to parent themselves.

1. Michael Jackson

Where oh where do we start? The King of Pop, who brother Jermaine insists "bought his kids," reached new levels of idiotic notoriety when he dangled young son Prince from a Berlin hotel balcony, later claiming he was just"caught in the moment." Adding insult to parental lunacy, Jackson has kept his two other young children veiled like Burka-encrusted midgets, to reportedly "protect" them from the public.

2. Courtney Love

Courtney earns "questionable mothering" status for admitting to Vanity Fair that she used heroin while pregnant with daughter Frances Bean. The report led the Los Angeles County Department of Children's Services to temporarily remove the child to the home of Love's sister. The bizarre rocker has since denied shooting up, telling author Michael Azerrad "they took our baby away, and there was nothing wrong with her."

3. Kate Moss

As the supermodel chatted lovingly of her young daughter Lila Grace, it would have been a nice maternal moment—except that she was snorting lines of cocaine with boyfriend Pete Doherty at the time. Forced into rehab, the beauty with the runny nose reportedly missed her child's next birthday party because she was in a rehab center trying to overcome her addictions to drugs, partying and sex.

4. Woody Allen

Mia Farrow simply wasn't enough to quench this director's wandering eye, which soon landed on her adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn, who was 21 years-old at the time. The actress found out about the affair when she visited Allen at his apartment and found nude photos of Previn. While Allen has always denied he was the step-father of his future bride, his actions were still extremely bizarre.

5. Chevy Chase

In an interview with Maxim magazine the "National Lampoon" star recounted his favorite parenting memory, which seemed far more disturbing than it did amusing: "My youngest, who's 17, seems to be identical to the way I was in my perception of the world I mean, I can remember the first time I called her a whore. We just laughed for half an hour."

6. Donald Trump

While visiting the menopause crew on "The View," the smug tycoon was asked how he'd respond if daughter Ivanka, 24, posed for Playboy. Trump said the decision would be "disappointing" but "it would depend on what's inside the magazine." Adding fuel to the fire, he admitted that he thought his daughter "does have a very nice figure. I've said if Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her."

7. Michael Douglas

During a vacation in Spain, the Hollywood icon was stung on his back by a jellyfish. Did he call a doctor or visit the hospital? Nope. Instead, he had his five year-old son Dylan urinate on the injury, according to The World Entertainment Network. "I turned to Dylan and went, 'Son, you're just going to have to pee-pee on Daddy's back,'" said Douglas. "There's sort of a remedy that we've all heard. He did a brief pause and went, 'Excuse me? Let me get some more water to drink. I don't get these chances very often!'"

8. Melanie Griffith

The paparazzi captured the actress, with a cig hanging out of her mouth, lighting up her 17-year-old daughter's cigarette in Los Angeles this summer. Griffith embodies the Hollywood adage, "the family that lights up together, ultimately battles lung cancer together."

Blog Maintenance and Hockey

--I just finished putting labels on all 400+ posts in this blog. What a pain in the ass! I'm sure I could have been better at labeling some of the posts, but it just got to be too much after awhile. I hope it will help readers find something interesting when they get here.

--The Red Wings won 4-2 tonight. It really was a closer game than the score shows--they got an empty-net goal in the final seconds. I realize the pre-season games are for the wanna-be players to show their stuff and whether they are worthy enough to play with the big boys, but for crying out loud, the games have been lousy. I really haven't seen much good hockey playing yet and I hope it changes when the season starts! Time will tell.

Elections

Election day is just around the corner. And if I didn't already know that, the television and phone would let me know very quickly.

First, the TV. We have had political ads since, at least, the beginning of the year. There are many people dissatisfied with our present, first-term, governor, and the man who would become her opponent came out early with his political ads. Our governor didn't run ads until after the primaries--after her opponent started to climb in the polls. And now we have back-to-back political ads ALL OF THE TIME. First one candidate will come on and sling mud, then the other one will come on and defend him/herself and sling mud in the other direction. It has gotten so bad, that I can recite BOTH candidates commercials by heart--and we still have over a month to go before the election! I'm about ready to say, "Screw this!" and put myself down as a write-in candidate when I get in the voting booth!

Second, the telephone. I am getting to the point where I want to just turn my phone off because I am getting so many political calls. Yes, I just hang up immediately, but they are an annoyance, nonetheless. There is nothing like running to the phone, tripping over the cat, sliding on the hardwood floor, banging into the table and getting a bruise, just so I can answer the phone and hear, "So-and-so did such-and-such. Would you like him/her to run Michigan for the next four years?" I was going to listen to all of the taped messages just so I could get in touch with each campaign after every call, but it got to be too time consuming--that is how many calls I get! I am assuming they are NOT bound by the do-no-call list, but I don't know why--and I don't know how to get OFF of the lists they have.

What I find the most unsettling about the entire political process, though, are the voters. These ad campaigns work because voters will just hear what one candidate says and believe it--then vote accordingly. There will be NO homework, no digging into what the truth of the matter is, and no determining who the best person for the job is. My biggest criteria for voting: I WILL NOT knowingly vote for any candidate that is pro-choice--period. Other than that, I do my homework and vote for the person, not the party affiliation--although it is hard to vote for one party because of my rule. I WILL NOT vote for someone just because he/she is pro-life--that isn't enough to get my vote. And if after all of my research, I find neither candidate worthy of my vote, then I will not vote for either--that is my right.

Nickel Fortune

A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting on her flight to Chicago. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune, and thought to herself, "I'll give it a try and see what it tells me."

She went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in, and out came a card that read,"You are a nun, you weight 128 lbs., you are going to Chicago".

The nun sat back down. She told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone. The more she thought about it, the more curious she got, so she decided to try it again.

She went back to the machine and again put her nickel in, and out came a card that read, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you are going to Chicago, and you are going to play a fiddle."

The nun said to herself, "I know that is wrong, I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life." She sat back down. From out of nowhere a cowboy came over and sat down, putting his fiddle case in the seat between them. Without thinking, she opened the cowboy's case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music.

Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine, thinking, "This is incredible, I've got to try this again. Back to the machine she went, put another nickel in, and another card came out. It read, "You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you are going to Chicago and you are going to break wind."

Now she knows the machine is wrong, as she thought to herself, "I've never broken wind in public a single time in my life," but getting down off the machine she slipped, and as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor...she broke wind.

Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine; she said to herself, "This is truly remarkable! I have got to try this again." She went back to the machine, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read:

"You are a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you have fiddled and farted around, and have now missed your fight to Chicago....."

(It took awhile to get there, but I hope you enjoyed!)

Scared To Go To Sleep

EDITED

What do the following things have in common:

The Brother
The Mother
The Father
my old Cavalier
a greenhouse/little zoo*
my house, but not my house
Eric Clapton (but the way he looked in the 70s), wife, and kids
a fire
a fire extinguisher
a computer keyboard
me losing my shoes
an extended-cab pick-up

The answer: they were all in my dream last night! I can't even begin to explain the storyline of the whole thing, but rest assured, I am scared to go to sleep in case I have another dream of sufficient weirdness! :)

*After much thought, it was a combination of a local greenhouse and the Butterfly Conservatory in Niagara Falls.

At Last

Yes, I know it is ONLY the third pre-season game and the regular season doesn't start for awhile yet, but I was beginning to wonder if the Wings were EVER going to win! And they did tonight: 5-4 against Tampa Bay. Don't need to worry anymore--I hope.

My Time Of Year

Today was the typical fall day--and fall begins today, what a coincidence! ;) Anyway, the temp was in the 50s, it was grey and damp. The perfect day to put a batch of stew going in the Crock-Pot, bake some banana bread, and sit back with a hot cup of tea and a good book. My kind of day.

It looks like we will not be able to get up north for the peak of the color season--DAMN! We haven't been in such a long time that I was hoping to get up there to take some pictures. But, K is doing the overtime bit again, so we will be sticking close to home till after the colors peak.

On a good note, though, he may take a few days off the first week in October and then we can go down to Appleton--I feel a shopping trip coming on! I REALLY need to hit a Sam's soon--I am running out of EVERYTHING! There are a few other places I would like to get to, also, but the best part of the trip is getting together with our friends--we haven't seen them since July. Even though we have been on trips since July, the Appleton run is always a bit more relaxing because we KNOW what we are doing ahead of time. Hell, we have THAT trip so well organized that I can practically give a minute-by-minute account of where we will be at any given moment! :)

Again

After an overtime period and a shootout, the Wings lost again. DAMN! I sure hope this isn't a preview of this season--I won't be a happy camper if it is.

Politically Correct

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." -- Joseph Wood Krutch



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She's "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She's a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."

Another Change

I had the setting for comments as a 'pop-up box,' but I am having trouble with the pop-up! I can't see the entire box and can't resize it, so I have had to change the setting and there will be no more pop-up. My not being able to resize the box is something that has just started since I migrated to Blogger beta--but I already was having different problems before. The problems I have only seem to be consistent with my use of Firefox, as they disappear when I use IE. I don't understand this as it is stated that Blogger beta works best in Firefox AND IE. I probably should get in touch with Blogger and see if this is a bug that needs to be fixed--or if they already HAVE a fix for it. But for now, I'm just too lazy! ;)

Heartwarming Story

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5 year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day
observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f***ing sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye doesn't it?

Changing Again

Well, I did it--I migrated to Blogger beta. I can see how I possibly could have a lot of fun with this, but there still seem to be some issues that need straightening out. We'll see how it goes.

I am not too sure when I will start using the 'labels' for my posts--I probably will at some time, but that almost seems to be too much thinking for me to do! I'm sure it will come in time. Anyway, I think I will enjoy this--hope you all like the new look.

And now for some sad news: the Red Wings lost their first pre-season game tonight. Minnesota beat them 3-2. On a good note: the Wings didn't have most of their 'stars' playing, so I don't think we have too much to worry about. Thursday night we get to watch them play Colorado--I hope we get a better picture as to what this year will bring.

The Weekend Redux

When we got to St Paul on Friday, it was too early to go to our hotel, so we went to see A and her husband. We got a chance to see the new kitten that she is fostering--that little baby is only about 3 weeks old! A got her more than a week ago--the eyes weren't even open yet. She is so small that I could hold her in the palm of my hand. Of course, she needs to be fed with a bottle--EVERY THREE HOURS! That little bundle of fur snuggled into my neck and purred louder than my 16+ pound cat does--she is just so very sweet. A hopes she can pick the person to adopt the kitten--that way it will be easier for her to give it up.

After we got to our room, I looked out the window and saw the Xcel Center right across the street from us. We were able to see the entrance we were to take to get into the concert the following night. I guess the only way we could have been closer is if there were rooms available INSIDE the Center.

That evening we went for a ride to pick up some water and snacks for the room. When we got back to the parking ramp, we noticed the signs about parking prices. From what we could figure out, the parking ramp WASN'T only for hotel guests, but it was open to whoever paid! Once we figured THAT out--and asked around--we realized that we were pretty much stuck at the hotel for most of the day of the concert. Otherwise, there would be no guarantee that we would have a place to park for the evening of the concert! We sure know how to pick places that have screwy parking situations!

All night long there were people camped out on the sidewalk next to the Xcel Center so they could be there when hockey tickets went on sale--for the Minnesota Wild. We were going to look into buying tickets for one of the games they will play with the Red Wings, but wanted to see the inside of the Xcel Center so that we would have an idea where we would want to sit. Tickets went on sale at 9:00am Saturday and, just for shits and giggles, I looked online around 2:00pm and THERE WERE NO TICKETS AVAILABLE! For either game! I was a bit bummed. We might try to get to Detroit this year--with a group--but if we don't make it this year, maybe we will try again next year.

Sitting inside the Xcel Center was an experience for me, in itself. You have to understand, I'm a small town girl. (Read that as 'hick.' :)) Sitting and looking around, I realized that the entire population of the town I live in could fit inside the place--and the population of the town I grew up in could have fit in there over TWENTY times! I almost had a panic attack! (But I didn't.)

The next thing that occurred to me was: how would they ever evacuate the place if it was needed. This came from an honest place: we were under a tornado WARNING for the entire evening. (There actually was a tornado in Rogers, just north of where we were, and a 10-year-old girl was killed.) I told K that the place would be utter chaos if they tried to do an evacuation--can't understand how they could control 20,000 people! A bit of a scary thought--especially since we have never experienced a tornado.

There is a perfect reason that the seats farthest from the stage are called the nose-bleed section--they are so high up that I don't think I would have been able to GET there, much less sit there for any length of time. The people looked like they were literally hanging from the rafters. And they were so far away from us that I couldn't distinguish men from women! A bit too high for me.

We witnessed only one almost-incident during the concert: a man came close to decking a woman! This guy was sitting a few seats down from K and there was a man and woman sitting in front of him--and the couple decided to stand up for a song. Well, the guy didn't take too kindly to not being able to see and asked them to sit down. They didn't. He asked again. They didn't. Then some words were exchanged and finally the guy just gave up--thankfully. But, the look on his face made me believe that he REALLY wanted to deck the broad--he was not a happy camper.

Talking about happy campers: K asked me after we left the Center if I smelled the guy in front of me. I didn't know WHAT the hell he was talking about until he said the guy was smoking pot off and on through the whole concert! This is how much I was in my own little world: I didn't notice the idiot smoking pot and I failed to get a contact high! So went my night. ;)

After going for breakfast with A and her husband on Sunday, we got on the road and made it home in about 7 hours. Not bad--but still too fast of a trip. I think when we do the trip again, I will insist on staying three nights like we did the first time--it keeps us from getting too overtired! And besides, there were things I would have liked to have done, but we just didn't have the time.

Unbelievable

I have married a wonderful man, given birth to two kids, and become a grandmother to five kids and yet, tonight is definitely in my top 10 of all time greatest times of my life. Yes, people, I am talking about the Eric Clapton concert. For over two hours I was transfixed--I could barely speak or think anything other than "I can't believe I am ACTUALLY seeing EC, in the flesh, playing so unbelievably." I can't even explain how overwhelmed I was by the whole experience.

For anyone who likes blues/rock, and who especially likes guitar solos, the Xcel Center was the place to be. In virtually every song, we got to hear at least two or three solos--sometimes as many as five! EC was in such good form, but he also had some awesome guitarists with him. Doyle Bramhall II is one great guitar player, and while he was great, nobody could come close to the 26-year-old slide guitarist (Derek Trucks)--that kid is going to have himself one hell of a career. Robert Cray--the opening act--also played on a few songs, and he is fantastic.

EC doesn't talk during his concerts and no one cared! It was non-stop music--just what we were there for. The crowd was animated for the entire show, but from the opening notes of Layla, through Cocaine, after the band left and returned to the stage, and through the encore, Crossroads, no one sat down. To say the noise level was a low roar is putting it mildly! As far as I could tell, everyone felt they got their money's worth tonight. When I spoke about the concert in the weeks leading up to it, I said I would be happy and satisfied if ALL I got to hear EC play was Wonderful Tonight, Layla, and Cocaine. Well, I got that and much, much more!

It now has been almost three hours since the concert ended and I am still ecstatic. I think I will get out the Zen Micro and listen to all the songs I heard earlier, again. I will have good dreams tonight!

(And after I get home, I will be able to get back to my normal life--no more thinking about the up-coming concert as I did all last week! :))

Off For The Weekend?

The concert is this weekend, so I will be one busy little person! I really don't know if I will have time to post, but if I have time I will try. I hope everyone's weekend will be as enjoyable as I know mine will be! So, on that note, here is a little something to make you smile:

The Perfect Couple
(it is an equal opportunity both gender-bashing joke!)

She Just Couldn't Wait To Open Her Mouth...

...and spew forth her hatred of mainstream America. I am talking about Rosie O'Donnell and her hate-filled comments comparing 'radical Christians' to 'radical Muslims.' She had the nerve to use the anniversary of 9/11--and her position on The View--to tell America that Christians are responsible for bombing innocents in other countries and that they are no better than terrorists! (I am paraphrasing--you can read the entire story here.) I certainly hope there is a huge outcry over this--but I am not holding my breath. It is just too easy in this country for someone to malign the Christian community--and, basically, be applauded for it. Listen, people, it is okay to turn the other cheek, but we MUST start demanding equal respect! This is just going from bad to worse and we must stop this. Send an email to ABC and demand an apology--we have to stand up for our rights, too.

Respect

After my last post, I remembered one thing that The Mother taught me that I will never forget--and hope to adhere to always.

One day when I was younger--probably high school age--I made some kind of a very disrespectful remark about the then-president while The Mother and I were talking. (Don't remember who the president was, though.) Anyway, she swung around and fixed that steely glare of hers on me and said, "You WILL NOT talk about ANY president that way. You may not agree with him, but you WILL treat him with respect because he IS the president. You respect the office, even if you cannot respect the man." (She was not this president's biggest fan, either.)

Wouldn't it be nice if we as a society could act this way? I have no problem with people who disagree with our government and the way things are handled. That is what it means to be in a free society: you can disagree without fear of reprisal. What I cannot abide is ANYONE calling our leaders a "dumb f***" or "Beelzebub." Frankly, I think that says a lot more about the idiot making the statement than it does about the person they are taking about.

Dumb Asses

--From tmz.com:

It's been more than three years since the Dixie Chicks sparked a media firestorm by announcing they were "ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas." Now, the embattled country stars are reigniting the blaze with a highly controversial documentary featuring lead singer Natalie Maines calling President Bush a "dumb f---."

According to Entertainment Weekly, one memorable scene from "Dixie Chicks: Shut Up and Sing" shows the singers watching a news report on President Bush's reaction to their infamous on-stage comment. In the report, Bush says ''the Dixie Chicks are free to speak their mind,'' adding, ''they shouldn't have their feelings hurt just because some people don't want to buy their records when they speak out. You know, freedom is a two-way street.'' After watching this footage, Maines then repeats the president's comment and says, ''What a dumb f---.'' She then looks into the camera, as if addressing Bush himself, and reiterates, ''You're a dumb f---.''

(Read the story here.)

--From NewsMax.com:

Sean Penn is at it again, shooting off his mouth at a news conference for the Toronto International Film Festival and calling President Bush "Beelzebub."

Penn used the biblical term for a prince of devils while promoting the remake of the political drama "All the King's Men" on Sunday.

"One could make the argument that George Bush is a good politician," Penn said at one point. Then he added: "I think the issue is how you define politician. Once upon a time, politics was the organization of things to benefit the people."

Penn said the definition has changed – much as it has for "good actor," which now means, he said, "contest winner," Editor & Publisher reported.

"So that's the level of politician I think he's good at," Penn continued. "Out of context, he's Beelzebub – and a dumb one."

(Read the story here.)

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

As I was paying for my purchases at the grocery store last night, a 40-somethingish man came into the checkout behind me. He placed his items on the counter: a bottle of Jim Beam and a bottle of baby oil. I don't want to know.

Quick Thinking :)

"Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives."-- Stephen Baker

LOVE this joke! Enjoy.

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.

The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"

"Canada, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."

"No sh*t?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

Just A Case Of 'Why Buy The Cow...'

I am so happy I was not drinking anything when I read this--otherwise, I would have snorted my drink all over. Brad Pitt gave the reason (read that as 'excuse') he and Angelina Jolie aren't getting married: gays aren't allowed to marry. He said in Esquire magazine: "Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able." What a crock!

Got A Phone Call Today From C...

You just KNOW that it is going to be good when the post starts out like that! Anyway, C called to tell me that a woman came to her door this afternoon and asked if she lost a child! C was a bit confused and asked what she meant and the woman explained that she just saw a boy a couple of blocks over, playing with a group of boys, that looked like Marcus, who is 2. C thought that he was upstairs playing with the 3-year-old, but went to look--sure enough, he was gone. While C and her husband were unpacking some more boxes--they are ALMOST done!--Marcus had let himself out, through LOCKED doors, and found his way to the far neighbor's house to play. Of course, she had gotten him home by the time she called me and he was FURIOUS! Had a bit of a temper tantrum because he didn't want to be brought home. C is beside herself with not knowing what to do. There doesn't seem to be any lock that the kid can't open and there are only so many ways you can lock a door before it becomes a safety hazard, especially in case they would have to leave the house quickly! The first thing they have to do is buy the alarms that let you know the door was opened, but beyond that, they are at a loss. I feel for her, even though I DID place the Mother's Curse on her! :)

And from the WGAS file: Katie Couric started her gig as anchor of the CBS Evening News. First, does anyone REALLY care? Second, I think CBS will be scrambling to keep their ratings up. Just another reason I very rarely watch the evening news on ANY network.

He Just Doesn't Have The Balls

"Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this by all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish."--James Gorman


Do the other dogs make fun of yours when he goes to the dog park? Does your dog run away in embarrassment when the poodle from up the street walks by? Is your dog not quite 'all there' anymore? Well, then, you might look into getting him a pair of Neuticles! That's right, you can get your dog a pair of testicular implants so that he can get back all of the self esteem that he lost when he was neutered. Prices start at only $94 per pair and go up to $919 per pair. That is, unless you want to order a custom sized pair--then the price can be up to $1800. And dogs are not the only animals that can benefit from falsies: cats, horses, and bulls can get them, too. This is NOT a joke, people--this is an honest to goodness product that over 100,000 animals have had implanted. Here is the website for Neuticles.

(Spellchecker suggests 'nutshells' as a correction for 'Neuticles.' I am amused.)

RIP

Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, has died at the age of 44. He was shooting a documentary and was struck in the chest by the barb of a stingray, which caused his death. So very sad for his wife and children. For more of the story, go to Google News.

Sunday PM

About five months ago K was told he needed a crown on one of his molars. Well, they FINALLY--within the last month and a half--have been getting everything going for this to happen. He went in to have the crown put on last week and told the dentist he has been experiencing some amount of sensitivity in the tooth. Low and behold, they did an x-ray and the tooth is infected and he needs to have a root canal done. At least, they found it BEFORE the crown was put on, but they will have to make a new one for him after the root canal is done. Yeah, more waiting. The trouble is, K was never put on an antibiotic with this. I just don't understand what is going on! Luckily, he was able to get an appointment with the endodontist for this coming week, but NOTHING will be able to get done if he is infected! And, believe me, it is getting worse! He had a real bad night last night with the throbbing and it isn't getting any better. He came home after pulling an overtime shift and said today was a bit rough. And of course, it is a holiday weekend, so nothing is open tomorrow. I think I will have to hunt down our dentist's home phone number and have him prescribe something--K can't go on like this until Thursday. Poor baby, I feel so helpless.

The newest installment in our wildlife saga: When K came home from work, there was a heron standing in our backyard. I DON'T think it was a great blue, but it was just as big. This thing had to stand AT LEAST 4 feet tall--maybe more. And when it took off, it was amazing! Absolutely NO sound at all when it flapped its wings. It looked pretty much like this:
(I found the picture here.) And before anyone can comment that I couldn't possibly have this particular bird in my yard, I agree. This pic is of a Goliath heron which is found in Africa, so it is NOT what I saw. I'm just saying this LOOKED like the bird. What we had probably was a blue, maybe a great blue (are they different birds?), but with the sticking-out head feathers NOT sticking out. Oh, nevermind--we had a VERY large bird in our yard today. It was SOME kind of heron. COOL.

School Days, School Days

"A cat sees no good reason why it should obey another animal, even if it does stand on two legs."-- Sarah Thompson


Here we are at Labor Day weekend. I find, even after all these years, I get a bit of a desire to be getting ready to go back to school. There really is nothing keeping me from going back, other than the fact that I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! Anyway, this got me to thinking about when I actually WAS in school and how things are so different today. Some of the things I went through would seem like a fairy tale to kids today—and even to most of my readers. So here goes, some ancient memories.

In the high school I graduated from, girls HAD to take home economics and boys HAD to take drafting in the ninth grade. End of discussion. Considering just about all of the girls in my class—as well as the rest of the grades—HATED the home ec teacher, a couple of the girls asked to be allowed to take drafting instead. The answer was NO, without explanation. And there was no recourse. This was the way it was and there was no changing it. I’m not exactly sure when this changed—a couple of years later, I believe.

It wasn’t until I was in the tenth or eleventh grade in school before we were allowed to wear pants of any kind to school. Considering most of the school year takes place during snowy weather, you can imagine just how cold we got—and most of us had to walk about a mile to get to the nearest bus stop. This also was during the wearing of ‘micro-mini’ skirts. And, of course, none of us wore boots—it just was not cool. I believe the husband and wife team that the school is named after are just spinning in their graves over the way kids dress these days.

The first university I went to—I have attended two and still am at freshman status :(—was established as a mining engineering school. When I attended, it was primarily an engineering and technology school. The ratio of male to female students was something like 8-1. There were some that didn’t take too kindly to the females coming into the school—one of which was the head of the chemistry department. He was well known to say that women had no business being in any chemistry classes. He had weekly tutoring sessions in his home for groups of students that needed help—but only for male students. (He WAS married, so I believe he was just misogynistic toward female students.) And his attitude was shared by the grad students that ‘watched over’ the freshman classes. The first day I attended my chemistry lab, the grad student in charge told me I was ‘the worst student in the class’ and I ‘had no business being there.’ This came about because I wasn’t proficient with using a slide rule. (We didn’t have pocket calculators back then.) I never attended another chemistry lecture, lab, or class after that day.

I dropped out of this particular school about halfway through the first semester. K and I had been skirting around the issue of where our relationship was heading—kind of hard to have a discussion when we were half a world apart :)—and it seemed as if we might be moving toward marriage. With this in mind—and considering I wasn’t too happy with my academic career—I decided to drop out. To leave, I had to talk to my advisor and get permission, so I made an appointment. I said I wanted to leave because I might be getting married in about a year and wanted to work to save some money. The advisor asked no questions, gave no advice, didn’t try to persuade me to stay, nothing. The permission slip got signed and I was done with the academic world.

Who Will Win THIS One?

So, two of the women that so many in this country are all ga-ga over seem to be feuding. Story goes like this: Oprah asked Angelina Jolie to participate in the charity work that she is doing in Africa. After all, Oprah thought, Angelina loves Africa so much and who in their right mind would EVER turn down Oprah! Angelina basically said 'up yours' to Oprah and refused to help with her charity. Oprah is astonished and furious at Angie and will never--did you hear that? NEVER!--going to ask Angie to help with any of her causes again. This is Angie's payback for Oprah becoming Jennifer Aniston's BFF and siding with her when Brad left. I wonder which one of these women will come out ahead in this? Do we even care? I just hope SOMEONE gets beat down--and I don't care WHICH one! Here is where you can read the whole story. (I'm waiting to see who comes out with the first statement calling the story a lie.)

News

"You own a dog but you feed a cat"--Jenny de Vries


Two 'who gives a shit' stories and one that is quite funny!

--Vanity Fair is going to put the first-ever pictures of TomKat's baby on its cover. Editor Graydon Carter is so afraid of the pictures being leaked beforehand that he has hired armed guards to protect the pics and forced everyone to sign confidentiality agreements. If you are interested, you can read the rest of the story here. But as I said, WGAS!

--Someone decided to make-over Katie Couric with Photoshop. Seems as if there was a pic of her in Watch! magazine which had been Photoshopped so that she looked twenty pounds thinner. Again, if you are interested, here is the link to the story. Again, WGAS!

And the funny story of the week:

--A CNN reporter went to the bathroom during President Bush's Katrina speech. She forgot her microphone was still on. She proceeded to slice-and-dice her sis-in-law and her remarks went over the air! As one comedian said: That should be one INTERESTING Thanksgiving dinner this year! Here is the story.

Marrying In Canada? Think Twice

When I talked to A last night, she told me that they STILL have not received their marriage license from Canada--this is ONLY 5 months AFTER they got married. I think she is on the verge of panicking--after all, she cannot change her name or be listed as a wife until they have the proof that they are married! While the wedding was so much fun, this waiting is just plain crazy. She is going to wait just a little while longer and then she will start writing e-mails and letters and making phone calls. That is, if she can figure out WHO she is supposed to talk to! (She also said that this is the LAST time she will get married in Canada! :))

Another One...

I got an email from A the other day and she announced that they have a new dog. Let's see, this means I am grandma to 3 dogs, two cats, four girls, one boy, and step-grandma to one boy. Is it a wonder that I CRS most of the time?

Here is a picture of A's two dogs:We met the one on the left when we were in St. Paul. The one on the right is the new addition. They both are Australian shepard mixes. (Had to post a pic of my grand-dogs!)

Just Another Day

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly


--Well, I watched Prison Break last night and, still it is holding my interest. It really is almost totally different from last year, as they are now out of prison--so I don't know if the same level of quality writing will be sustained. I AM a little pissed off about some of the really far-fetched stuff. (SPOILER ALERT) Sewing the hand on--by a VET!!!!--was a little off-the-wall, but I will stay with it. Hopefully, they will keep things like that to a minimum. And I am SURE that they will be bringing Veronica back--I'm totally convinced she isn't dead--after all, they brought Abruzzi 'back from the dead' last year. Oh, well, watching Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell is worth the hour spent--even if the storyline isn't the best!


--Instead of going with K to trivia tonight, I went and did some shopping. I sure wish it would have been as much fun as trivia! Wal Mart was so terrible, again, that I WILL be getting in touch with the manager tomorrow. And this has NOTHING to do with the students! The last couple of times I have been in that store, they have had only about 4 or 5 checkouts open--out of 25 or so that they have! You wander up and down the aisle, looking for a checkout that has less than five people waiting AND YOU CAN'T FIND ONE! Tonight, I waited for almost 30 minutes in line and that is too freaking long. At this point, there is nothing that I get at Wal Mart that I can't get elsewhere, so I may be doing a one-woman boycott if things don't change soon. The only bad thing: Wal Mart is open for 24 hours and the other stores around here aren't. Bummer.

--This weekend is Labor Day weekend and I will be at home, doing nothing, by myself. K is scheduled to work on Saturday and Monday, and it looks like he will be doing an overtime shift on Sunday. The annual blues festival is this weekend and I had hoped we could go, but doesn't look like it. Oh, well, maybe next year.

--I took the plunge tonight and bought myself some Mederma. (Damn stuff is expensive!) This is the stuff that is supposed to help scars heal and look better. The scar that was left from when I cut it a few weeks ago, is not doing too well, so I thought this might help. I sure hope so, otherwise I may have to see a doctor to do something with it--it may be a hypertrophic scar. We'll see. More fun times at the doctor's.

Coming Soon To A TV Near You

(DISCLAIMER: This is something that hasn't happened--YET.)

Announcer: He confessed…He was extradited…He was let go. Next week on Oprah: John Mark Karr! (fade out)


Morning Talk Show Talking Head (looking intensely serious): This morning we are talking to Oprah Winfrey. She has caused quite a stir by announcing that John Mark Karr, the man who confessed to killing JonBenet Ramsey will be a guest on her show. Good morning Oprah.

Oprah (looking just as serious): Good morning, MTSTH.

MTSTH: Let’s get right to it. Why would you put this man on your show? And during sweeps week?

Oprah (looking even more intensely serious—if possible): The man disgusts me, as he disgusts everyone. I just want to get him in that chair and ask him “Why?” This is the question all of America wants to know. I just want to understand what was going through his mind. I want to understand what kind of sickness he has to do such a thing. We all want to know, and I will ask him the questions my viewers want answered. (now, getting a totally innocent look on face) And this has nothing to do with sweeps week—this was the only time we could book him…(and more lying drival we don’t need to think about.)

Bad For You

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." -- Anonymous


I am really waiting for 'them' to come out and say that yogurt is very bad for a person's health. I EAT yogurt, simply because it is supposed to be good for you, but it is NOT the first thing I gravitate towards when I go into the frig. I have a problem with food that you can never tell when it has gone 'bad.' Really now, unless you have had that carton in the frig for months, does yogurt EVER go 'bad'? I remember, years ago and before home yogurt-makers, The Mother would make it as my great-grandmother did: by leaving a bowl of milk with a spoonful of 'start' mixed in, on the kitchen counter. For days. This caused the milk to sour and ferment and coagulate. Isn't this just milk gone 'bad'? So, if what you are eating is food gone 'bad,' then it can never go 'bad' again. It is just is so confusing and the only way to get out of this is just to declare that yogurt is not good for people. End of discussion. Unless, of course, you want to talk about sour cream...

In The News

Here are two news stories that I missed this past week:

--Olympia, Washington. The raccoons are out of control. They are rampaging and killing cats. The citizens don't have a clue as to what to do about them varmints--they seem to believe that hand-wringing is a good choice. To read the whole story, go here. Be sure to read the comments that are posted--some of them are just hysterical. You probably will come away from reading them with the same response as me: shaking your head and wondering what is wrong with people! (The comments are in reverse-order from when they were posted--scroll to the bottom and work your way up.)

Here is my take on the matter. If the raccoons are killing your cats and rampaging around your neighborhood, this is what you do:

1. QUIT FEEDING THE RACCOONS!!! Do NOT put food out for them specifically. Do NOT leave domestic animal food out for the raccoons to go after. Put your garbage cans in secure locations so the raccoons cannot get to them.

2. If the raccoons are killing cats, then KEEP YOUR CATS IN THE HOUSE!!! Is that such a hard solution?

3. Hire someone who KNOWS what they are doing--such as someone who has actually hunted raccoons--to come and get rid of the problem. Yes, it will probably involve guns and shooting the poor defenseless animals (sarcasm there), but IT IS BETTER THAN BEING BIT BY ONE OF THEM! (One woman WAS bit and underwent rabies shots.)

I guess I just figure, if there is a problem, deal with it! Quit whining and saying 'oh, woe is me!'

--Chicago, Illinois. O'Hare airport. A man has been charged with federal disorderly conduct following an incident where he was accused of trying to take a bomb aboard an airplane. Turns out, his 'bomb' was actually a penis pump. When asked to identify the object, he whispered what it was to the security officer. The officer said the man claimed it was a bomb--the man said he told the officer it was a pump and that the officer misheard him. All of this took place because the man was with his mother and didn't want her to know he was taking a sexual aid with him on their trip to Turkey. The whole story can be read here.

My question is this: How big is the male ego that a man won't admit--to security personnel, in this day and age--that he is carrying a sex aid. Rather, he would allow them to believe he was carrying a bomb so that his mother wouldn't know he needed help when it comes to his sexual performance. Granted, it would be embarrassing to have people know of your 'short-comings,' but isn't a little embarrassment better than a possible prison sentence?

Use Meds AND Get Dead

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." -- Missy Dizick
(the quotes have NOTHING to do with my posts--I just like them! :))


As I 'revealed' several posts back, I have psoriasis. Anyone who watches TV has seen the commercials for a 'new and better way' to treat the disease. Well, the new way is a drug that is injected under the skin and it works on a person's immune system--as psoriasis is an auto-immune disease. This has had an amount of success and I was very happy when they first came out with it: maybe a way to go into complete remission! WRONG! As of now, I will not be going that route--going to the tanning salon has helped me a lot, so I will continue with that. I received, in the mail, a packet containing info on one of the biologic treatments out there and I thought I would give you an idea as to why I won't be using the new treatments any time soon. (As if you asked or REALLY want to know! :))

Now, I'm not saying that using this stuff is wrong for EVERYONE--we all have to make our own choices. What I am saying is this: a person has to do a lot of research and soul-searching before agreeing to use this stuff. The side-effects are rather frightening. (I won't mention the name of the particular drug I have paperwork on--suffice it to say, all of the similar drugs have the same side-effects.) Here we go (and this is just what the company ADMITS to): serious infections--including tuberculosis and sepsis, nervous system disorders, blood problems--including symptoms that resemble lupus, heart problems, allergic reactions, malignancies, injection site reactions, upper respiratory infections, and headaches. YIKES--scary stuff!

After pondering the list of side-effects of what I WON'T take, I thought I would look at the side-effects of the stuff I AM taking. Just as scary! Here are some of them: headache, sore throat, nosebleeds, hair loss, stomach upset, dizziness, cough, nausea, hallucinations, fever, irregular heartbeat, easy bruising or bleeding, seizures, heart attacks, stroke, blood clots, blurred vision. OMG! And the meds I take are older, not 'new' or 'experimental'--and they are for non-life threatening conditions/diseases (or easily treatable): allergies, high blood pressure, thyroid, etc.

I guess it is true what is in one of my drug-info sheets: a person MUST discuss with his/her doctor all of the side-effects vs. the benefits of any medication. Some people will accept whatever side-effects there are just for the benefits of the medication and some will not. I have weighed the benefit vs. side-effect factors of what I take and am comfortable with my choices. I also have decided against some drugs because of the same factors. It all comes down to this: everyone makes their own choices--as it should be!

Does Anyone REALLY Care?

Here are a few of the 'BIG' stories that are going around and my question remains: Does anyone REALLY care?

--Tom Cruise is soooooooo boring and every story about him is just really getting on my last raw nerve. Don't read the stories, you say? Unfortunately, you can't get away from them! Here is just ONE of the more than 1000 articles that Google news has about the latest that has been happening to him. Just go away, Tom, just go away. (He could have left with dignity, but it is too late for THAT!)

--Okay, so I DON'T watch reality TV--except for Project Runway. But I am really tired of the 'controversy' surrounding Survivor. JUST. LET. IT. BE!!! This would be a non-issue if people would leave it alone! It is a FRICKING reality show--GET A LIFE!!!! Why, oh why, does EVERYTHING have to be such a big story?!?! Here is one person's 'problem' with the new season.

--Now, I LOVE watching the stars. I find the night sky absolutely fascinating. Come on people, does anyone REALLY care if Pluto is a planet or not? WHO is actually ever going to see the thing--and how will it EVER affect any of our lives? I'm sorry, but other than screwing up my scientific knowledge from school, whether Pluto is a planet or not is a total non-issue. But, then again, for some it is a BIG issue. Here is the story.

A Couple of Videos

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." --Winston Churchill



--When my daughter, A, was younger, we saw a cartoon on Nickelodeon that quickly became a favorite. I have now found the video and here is a link to "The Cat Came Back." Hope you enjoy and hope it may bring back memories!

--Today on mental_floss they had a post about the woman with the world's longest fingernails. While seeing the picture was bad enough, they have a video of her and another woman with long nails that is really rather disturbing--actually, it was disgusting. I threw-up a little in my mouth. If you want, you can see the video here and, also, read about the world's longest fingernails.

Hump Day Funny

Thank you, Yoopergirl, for the following. (And, girl, I have missed you! Welcome back!)

No Nursing Home for Me

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line,but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back-to-back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".

She replied, "Yes, that's true."

I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home".

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.

The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations on a Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast-in-bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem. They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore-to-ship.

ps: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side--at no charge.

Thanks To mental_floss

Today on mental_floss, they have Tuesday Turnip. The author types in a random term or phrase into Google search and then blogs the results. Today's Turnip is 'six out of every ten.' Here are the results:

(Everything in quotes is lifted from the mental_floss blog.)


"In the US, six out of every ten couples buy a diamond ring for their engagement.

Six out of every ten Americans are overweight.

Six out of every ten apples you eat are grown in Washington

Six out of every ten new jobs are computer-related.

Nearly six out of every ten Protestant churches now have a website. That is up from just one-third of all Protestant churches in 2000, an increase of 68%.

Six out of every ten commonly-used English words are derived, directly or indirectly, from Latin.

About six out of every ten US smokers started smoking before age 14. Nine of every ten smokers became addicted before reaching age 19.

Six out of every ten children killed in crashes are unbelted.

Six out of every ten Americans live in areas that violate federal air quality standards.

Only six out of every ten… children will graduate from high school in New York – the third highest dropout rate in America.

And my personal fav, only ’cause it’s so darn controversial (drum roll…): According to a survey conducted by Barna, about six out of every ten adults (59%) favor teaching creationism while less than four out of ten (38%) do not want it added to the public school curriculum content."


Now, MY question is this: If the majority of people feel as if Creationism should be taught in schools, what is the problem? While it is part of this great nation to not trample on people's rights--theoretically?--when did it become the right of the minority to dictate what is going on? Just a great controversy to ponder on 'hump day.' You're welcome! :)

Little Bits

--There is a place in San Luis Obispo, California that is called BubbleGum Alley. Since 1960, people have been placing used chewing gum on the walls of this place and continue today. In some places, the gum is 15 wads thick! Here is a link to some pictures. Yuck!

--Sebastian is a long-haired, black Persian cat. He has a bit of a dental problem--he has quite an underbite. His owner is a dentist who was concerned over the fragility of his lower canine teeth. The owner decided to fix the problem by putting gold crowns on said teeth. No comment. Go here for the whole story and a picture of Sebastian proudly displaying his crowns.

--Here is a site where you can plot all of the states you have been to and then see them colored on the map of the US. It is fun to see all of the places I have been to, but it sure is more impressive looking than it actually is--I have driven through quite a few states, not actually 'visited' them. There also is a map where you can plot the countries you have been to, but as I have only been to TWO, I won't even bother with that one. :) Here is my map: