Let Me Tell You What You Should Do

I am very proud to say that I raised two very conscientious daughters.  However, this allows them to be taken advantage of in far too many ways...

The Oldest has seven kids.  She is very active in many things and they attend quite a few pot lucks.  Having seven kids causes her to worry that people won't/don't want her family to attend these events because they are afraid there won't be enough food for everyone.  (As far as I know, this is all in her head.)  And so she compensates.  One day she listed the food she had already made for the pot luck they were having at their church:  a casserole, two salads, deviled eggs, and two different desserts.  She had three more things that she was going to make and wanted to know if that would be enough!  I got a bit angry with her and made it clear that she didn't have to provide food for the ENTIRE CHURCH.  I honestly felt as if what she had already made was far more than she needed to do and the rest was just a bit of overkill.

The workplace is where The Youngest gets taken advantage of.  Within the last two weeks she gave me two great examples.  One evening--the clinic closes at 7:30 PM--she called me after 8:30+ as she was driving home.  She got left at work when everyone else went home because she couldn't stand the thought of leaving the towels unwashed, wet, and not put away until the following day.  She was the only one to think about the laundry and the need for it to get done.  And so she stayed and finished up what needed doing.  A few days later they had quite a terrible snowstorm and the clinic was so dead that the owner/vet went home after noon--and most of the rest of the employees had never even gotten to work to begin with.  The Youngest was left to man the phones and take care of anything that came up, as she was the only one who knew how to do everyone else's job and could be trusted to do what needed to be done.  And so she stayed until quitting time.

While I am happy to have daughters that are reliable, I also wish they would stand up for themselves at different times.  And there is the dilemma:  WHEN do you voice a complaint and when do you stay silent?  I am able to rein The Oldest in a bit--she is starting to realize that she has the tendency to go overboard at times.  However, I wouldn't want her to go too far in the opposite direction and have people run screaming whenever they see her family showing up.  ;)  The Youngest has to be careful because her job could possibly be in jeopardy if she says the wrong thing.  She has co-workers that she has to deal with on a daily basis, so it is harder for her to voice frustration.

If my girls ask for advice--and, at times, when they don't--I try to do my best and steer them in the right direction.  This time I really don't have an idea what to say to them and I will have to trust that they know how to handle their own lives.  And this is often the hardest part of being a mother...