I have begun my weekend of self pity a little bit early. At first, I thought this was only going to happen on Sunday, but things change...
On Sunday, The Husband and I would have celebrated our 46th wedding anniversary. We would have been making plans to go out and eat and I would have been anticipating what piece of jewelry he would have bought for me this year. Mostly, our anniversary celebrations were very quiet...just the two of us going out to eat. We had never had a party, even for the 'milestone' anniversaries. I always anticipated the possibility of having a big blow-out for our 50th, but that is not going to happen.
I will now spend our anniversary by myself, thinking of what was and what never will be. I will indulge in junk food eating and way too many sweets. I will feel very sorry for myself and continuously ask, "Why me?" I will cry. And I will feel totally justified in my feelings.
On Monday, I will resume my life and get back to the 'new normal.' This is the first year without The Husband and it will be the hardest. I'm thinking that every year from now on will be just a little easier than the year before...at least, I hope so.
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