Fall

Even though the picture I have here ISN'T one I took, it certainly represents fall in the UP. It is a most glorious time of year here--my favorite season. It is just too bad I am so very conflicted at this time of year.

As I said, I love fall. BUT the fall just rolls into 'The Holiday Season'--my WORST time of year. I have always wished I could go to sleep sometime in November--as early in the month as possible, but no later than the day before Thanksgiving--and wake up on January 2nd (even if it DOES mean that I miss my birthday :)). I don't especially remember any wonderful holidays when I was growing up--they weren't actually TERRIBLE for the most part, just not wonderful. The really lousy times started after I got married. The Mother wanted me, K, and the kids with her every minute of the holiday season--NO SHARING AT ALL. This was a bit difficult because K's family lived less than 5 miles from The Parents and they wanted us to spend some time with them, too. The Mother didn't want me to enjoy myself with K's family and would pout if I said I had a nice time. I finally got so fed up with the whole thing that I refused to spend any time outside of our home for the holidays. And that is what happened: we spent the holidays by ourselves with no family around. This, of course, caused everyone to blame me for not spending time with family for the holidays--AND depriving K and the kids from bonding with the families and having wonderful traditions. It was NOT fun. I'm so sorry that I never got to talk to K's mother about this whole thing before she died--I would have wanted to explain things to her. I WON'T even try to explain things to The Mother because she has NEVER done anything that I remember her doing--at least as far as SHE remembers--so why bother.

It would be nice to spend the holidays with our girls and their families, but they spend the time with The Parents and The Brother and his family. C lives there and A travels to spend the time with The Family and probably will again this year--as she has done every year since she left home. That is their choice--one I WILL NOT try to influence in any way. After all, I KNOW what it is like to be told what you HAVE to do--and you have to be strong and have age on your side to defy The Mother.