Nurture? Nature? Talent? Money?

An article in The Hockey News this week tells how much it cost the family of Patrick Kane (19 year old phenom for the Chicago Blackhawks) to help him become an NHL player. It is estimated that the family spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $150,000 from the time he started playing hockey till he signed his first NHL contract.

Hockey is a very expensive activity for kids to be involved in. The skates, helmets, protective pads, and sticks just to BEGIN playing are cost prohibitive for many people. And if a kid shows any talent at all, and wants to get to higher levels of play, the costs mount. Most pro players had to leave home at some point just to play in a more elite league--one where he can learn by playing with the best and where he can show his talent and be seen by those who could decide if the pros need to see him. When the kids leave home, the family needs to find a place to board their child--and this will cost. In some cases, the player will go to private school because of team travel and it is easier for private schools to work around the player's schedule. And at different levels the player has to pay for the privilege of being in a better league AND they have to pay all of their expenses when they travel. Of course, during the off-season, there are the hockey schools/camps which the player will attend to help hone his skills--and they all are expensive. Especially the ones where NHL players do the teaching. (Several summers, Kane attended 10 schools WHILE playing in the summer leagues.) This is NOT a sport for poor people to be involved in.

All of the money spent is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. When a member of the family is involved in hockey, the entire family is. Most NHL players will talk of their younger years and being on the road by 6:00 AM just so they could get to an ice rink on which to practice. Many players here in the States have to travel great distances in order to play the game while they live at home--and that usually means a member of the family will be doing the driving. Not all places in the US have the ice availability that we do--and many of our ice arenas are open almost 24 hours per day because ice time is in such demand. To raise an elite player, one who will make it into the pros, requires a great amount of dedication from the player as well as the family.

This all got me to wondering: Did I do enough for my girls in terms of helping them develop their talents? We allowed our girls to try most anything they wanted--and quit when they decided it wasn't something they wanted to do. We wanted them to have a well-rounded idea of what was out there so they could find what they were passionate about. But I still wonder if we pushed them enough when it came to their talents.

C went through her figure skating phase at an early age. She was in a club for two or three years and decided it wasn't for her--which I whole-heartedly agreed with. She also did her stint with the 'gifted and talented' group, but that ended when she went into middle school--NOT her decision, it just wasn't offered anymore. She really found her gift when she started playing the flute--the girl was phenomenal. We did the basics when it came to 'pushing' her, but took our cues from her. Basically, we got her private lessons and that was about it. We never looked into Interlochen or any other music school, but with her not living with us after ninth grade, it wasn't completely our fault. I do wonder if we would have done more for her if she would have been at home through high school. I think I always will have a small amount of disappointment because she never did anything with her musical gift.

With A, we did more--which was easier, cause she was, in essence, an only child for most of her school years. She did the swim lessons, until she didn't want them anymore. She played basketball, but didn't have a great talent for it, and didn't play after grade school. There were several things she thought she wanted, signed up for, and then never pursued. She also had a talent for music and played the flute. We gave her private lessons and an upgraded flute, as well as a piccolo. Her and I even talked about Interlochen, but she wasn't motivated enough to do much about it. And her lack of motivation is what kept her from realizing some things she could have accomplished. But, it wasn't all her fault because I didn't push her, either. I gave her the opportunites and she either took them or didn't. She DIDN'T push to be on the boys' wrestling team, which I would have supported. She DID become a basketball ref, but didn't take it as far as she could have. She gave up her opportunity to go to school in Denver, for whatever reason. And I am a bit disappointed that she hasn't completely lived up to her animal-handling talent--even though she does work for a vet, she could have done a lot more.

My whole point of this post is this: Whose 'fault' is it that my children haven't used their God-given gifts to their full potential? Did I drop the ball by not being a pushy mother and MAKE them do things they didn't want to at the time? Did I allow my children to make decisions that I should have made? When does encouragement turn into bullying when it comes to pushing your child to do something? I think my biggest regret with raising my girls is not knowing if I did right by them in terms of their talents. I will always wonder if I could have pushed a little more and helped them into very different lives than they have now. And would they have been better off with different lives? We can never look back and say 'if only,' and I have to banish the 'if only' thoughts from my mind--or I will go mad.