Dreams

I have always been a night owl--even as a child. I remember NEVER wanting to go to bed because The Mother would have someone visiting and I didn't want to miss whatever they were talking about--they always had the BEST gossip. So, I would force myself to stay up just so I could learn the latest dirt. And I happened to be one of those freaky people who really didn't have to study much in grade/middle/high school in order to get good grades, so it really didn't matter if I was half asleep in class. (We won't talk about my college career, though!)

This wanting to be up all hours is equal parts habit and genetics, I believe. If I really WANT to, I can get to bed at a reasonable hour, but most of the time I don't want. I can get "regular" for a time, but I find myself drifting back into my old ways in just a few short weeks. This is part of the reason I went to the sleep lab and was tested: just to get me on a more normal sleep cycle. Things worked for awhile, but my sleep is now crazier than ever.

My sleep habits began getting really bad when we were going through the real awful times with our oldest. This was the first time I became estranged from The Family. The things they said to me were so awful that I couldn't erase them from my mind--actually, short of a lobotomy, NOTHING will ever make me forget the things they said! Like a tape recording, they kept playing over and over in my head and I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. NOW I know I should have had a little pretty colored pill to help me along, but in those days I figured I could just get through it all by myself! My way to get to sleep at night--and stop the voices (boy, that makes my sound psychotic, doesn't it?)--was to stay up so long that I would just fall into bed and immediately go into a deep sleep. This actually worked! Unfortunately, it also meant being awake at strange hours. AND it also meant that this would be my way of dealing with problems forever--or, at least till I decide to change. Yep, every time since--problems with the oldest, again, then the problems with the youngest, etc--I went back to "staying up till I'm exhausted just so I can get some sleep" way of living. Now, I think it has gotten into a very deep habit--one I am finding hard to break.

All of this is my looooong way of getting to the point of this post: I don't remember my dreams. I'm sure I have them, but I remember so few of them that it is as if I don't dream. So, the few times I ACTUALLY remember a dream, I find it quite fascinating. Last night--okay, this morning--I had a dream. And here goes:

K and I were at a hotel. There were quite a few people--and I'm not sure, but we MIGHT have known them. Anyway, we checked in and got separated somehow. K went to our room--how I knew this isn't clear--and I found myself in a room with all these people. This was like a regular hotel room, only much bigger. And it was actually like a waiting room. Anyway, I kept trying to get to our room and couldn't find my way out of the "holding" area. I kept opening doors and asking people, but no one could help me find my way. I never got frustrated with anyone except for K--I kept trying to get hold of him, but, as usual, he didn't have his cellphone with him! Finally, he came to me and that was the end of the dream.

I KNOW that part of the dream has to do with my frustrations over him NEVER taking his cell with him! He always forgets it--even when I remind him to take it. It's not as if I call him often--or need to check up on him. I just like him to have it for the RARE times I need to get hold of him or need to know where he is! (He has a bad habit of leaving the house for short periods of time and not telling me where he is going--and it usually is to Menard's or some such place. Nothing sinister.) So that's the analysis of my rare dream.

So, anyone have a more ominous analysis of my dream? Could be interesting to hear other theories.