The Brother...Still A Jackass

I have been estranged from my family off and on for the last thirteen years. Our relationship is basically off right now. This is why I was reluctant to spend last weekend 'back home.' I had hoped everything would just be kept on a superficial level and I could just breeze through the days and come home and get back to my life. Unfortunately, it didn't quite go like that. But, then, it could have been MUCH worse than it was. Here is part of the story:

Approximately thirteen years ago, during the BIG SPLIT (long story that I keep promising to tell), The Brother called me one day in a rant. (Not too unusual--as I said, he's a jackass.) He said some very hateful things to me. One of the worst was when he told me I should give our youngest daughter up for adoption so that I don't ruin her like I did my oldest. During this yell-fest (his yelling, not mine,) he told me he no longer had a sister or brother-in-law. Disowned me. And even during the short times when things were 'good' between my family and myself, he never once apologized for the things he said during this conversation or any other.

Now, you have to understand my feelings of respecting other people. It was drummed into my head from an early age that I should show proper respect. That is why I never yelled at my parents or said hateful things to them--all of which I could have and probably should have done. I also extended this same respect to The Brother. The only time I raised my voice was in defense of myself, never to say what I could have said to hurt him. Even when The Mother and I were close, I kept the majority of my opinions of The Brother and his wife to myself--even as I watched them hand their kids over to my parents to, basically, raise. So the fact that I am the black-sheep, confuses me--I just wanted to be out from under the thumb of The Mother, wanted to quit having her run my life, and just wanted to do my own thing. I didn't think this was too much to ask.

Anyway, I have tried to keep the particulars of what has gone on with my family from my girls. They both know that 'something' has happened, they just don't know the specifics. So when I was discussing The Niece's upcoming bridal shower with C, she started to ask me questions. The shower is on the same day as K's niece's birthday party--which we were invited to about two months ago. This was WAY before I even knew there would be a bridal shower. I mentioned to C that I have to go to the first place that invited me and just drop off a gift for my niece--but this will probably put me even more firmly on The Family's shit-list than I already am. C started asking what I was talking about and we got around to me telling her The Brother had disowned me. Our conversation ended shortly after that and I left the house to go shopping.

When I got home, K informed me that The Brother had called to talk to me. Figuring out that C had called him, I called her to find out what was going on. She had informed him of what I had told her and he completely denied ever saying such a thing. She asked if I was going to call him back and I said I didn't want to talk to him. I tried talking with The Mother a few years back about something she had said and she laughed at me and denied she said it. Don't need to go through that again. So I went for the weekend dreading the thought of seeing The Brother and having him scream at me.

Well, I didn't have to worry about seeing him. As it turned out, he wouldn't even enter The Parent's house while I was there. He spent the entire party-time out in the garage where I would be sure not to run into him. The good thing about this: I guess I pissed him off enough that I don't have to worry about having to deal with him for another five years or so--by then I can think of something else to do to make him leave me alone for the NEXT five years! :) Then again, if we don't go to The Niece's wedding--which it looks like we won't be able to do (K is working)--I might NEVER have to see him ever again. Which, right now, is looking pretty good to me.

(Sorry for the rambling--and, I'm sure, often confusing--post. This is one thing that blogs are for: ranting and getting things out of one's system! It sure helps to keep me from exploding.)