I must be on the 'strangest magazine' subscription offer list. Got another one in the mail today: Obit magazine. From what I can tell, it is going to be about dead people--famous and not so--and what their lives can tell us about our own. They will do in-depth obituaries and use them as a starting place for introspection. Oooookay!
But, this got me to thinking (not good)--am I ever going to be one who will not only 'never speak ill of the dead,' but a person who puts the dead on a pedestal? For example: K's identical twin died when they were 21. I liked b-i-l, we were good friends throughout high school, but I saw him for what he was: someone who was young, sometimes foolish, with great potential, but without direction. The family has idealized him to the point of absurdity--as if he could never do anything wrong. I really wonder how this makes K feel--after all, who knows a twin better than a twin? I'm sure K remembers his brother's faults better than anyone.
Some could say that I WILL be kinder to the dead when it is a close family member of mine who dies. Maybe. Another example I find extremely strange, though, comes from my own family. I was molested by an uncle when I was young. A cousin was another member who was molested by this same uncle. While I remember him as a drunk--NOT an alcoholic, a drunk--and a many-generation child molester, she only sees his potential for genius (which he had.) She acknowledges the abuse he did, just seems to put that aside and focuses on his intellect and what he could have been. Which one of us is the 'better' person? Her for trying to focus on the good and not the bad, or me--the one who cannot get over the true nature of the person? (And, no, I am not harboring any unresolved feelings about my abuse--I worked through that in therapy.)
The Mother had an absentee father--yet she cannot come out and say how mad and hurt she was by him. If she could only say that she hated him--as well as loved him--I think she could be a more whole individual. But heaven forbid you actually say a mean thing about someone who is dead! I don't understand it.
My, my, aren't we getting a little heavy for a Thursday! I think I have a headache now--must go.
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I think it's just the nature of some, to idealize not just the dead, but those who aren't around in general.. One of my bil's went to prison a couple years ago because he got caught selling drugs. He was and still is a complete asshole who has never gotten along with his mother. While he was gone, she along with most of the family, acted like he was on vacation, had never done anything wrong, and that they had some great relationship. When he returned and they still didn't get along, she pissed and moaned about it. I asked her if she was really surprised..
ReplyDeleteYou and I are of a dying breed... Those who still have the guts to call a spade a spade, living or dead!
Leazwell: I never meant to say we HAVE to speak ill of the dead--I just don't like it when people make the dead out to be saints. Just because a person has died, does not mean they never did a thing wrong. As I said, I HAVE worked out the molestation, I just won't pretend it never happened--as some have. As burg said, I WILL call a spade a spade and damn the consequences. I gave up keeping secrets about the family long ago.
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