I Could've Told Them

Two recent news stories have me all aflutter. So here goes.

DIETS DON'T WORK; MAY EVEN BE DANGEROUS

The University of California has reviewed dieting research and has concluded that dieting does not work. HELLO!!!!!!! For however much this study cost, I could have told them the exact same thing for half the money! Don't think I'm just exaggerating: I have been on just about every diet known to modern man, and I STILL am overweight. Here is a partial list: the Stillman Water Diet, Weight Watchers (several times), South Beach, Atkins, the Zone, Fighting Fat Over Forty, Nutrisystem, Slim Fast, calorie counting, portion control, etc. My favorite was: a blended mix of grape juice and banana drunk before every meal. I don't know if I lost weight with this one, but everyone THOUGHT I did. And that was for one reason: no one could get close enough to me to see what I REALLY looked like--the combination of the two fruits did SOMETHING to the digestive system that you DON'T want to know about!

Another conclusion that the researchers made was this: most people who lose weight on a diet put it all back on in 4-5 years AND gain more, to boot! HELLO!!!!!! You don't think I look this way JUST because I have had a hysterectomy, do you? It is because I'm making up for those times when I was on a diet--I need to eat everything I DIDN'T eat then! And these are the people that get paid the big bucks--go figure.

SCIENTISTS FIND 'OBESITY' GENE

Scientists claim to have found real evidence that people who have two copies of a variant of a certain gene, are more likely than not to be obese. Do I understand what that means? Of course not! What I DO understand is this: overweight--or obesity--runs in families. HELLO!!!!!! Again, I could have told them this for half the money that these scientists were paid. All anyone would have to do is look at pictures of my family, both past and present. My great-grandmother was so chubby, that I couldn't sit in her lap when she rocked in her rocking chair--SHE HAD NO LAP! My maternal grandfather was described as being 'as wide as he was tall.' I have seen many pictures of relatives I never met: all overweight! The Mother has battled her weight all of her life. Both of my girls have trouble with their weight. Guess what? I think it runs in families! What a concept!

The best part of this whole study is this: part of the study group was from Finland. Yessireebob! My entire family heritage is Finnish. Just another thing I have to thank my family for. :)

So, here is my bottom line: I KNOW I will never have the body I once did. Bikinis, Playboy, porn, designer clothes--NOT going to happen for me. That ship has sailed. I guess all I can ever hope to achieve is a healthy-enough body--one that will last for a few more decades, at least. Until then, I leave you with a picture of me. WARNING: It is NOT safe for work--or anywhere else, for that matter!


--Venus of Willendorf (sorry, don't know who to give credit to for this pic)--