Thursday, July 02, 2009

So You Really Didn't Want To Host Thanksgiving Dinner?

I know I am a controlling person--well, at least as much as I am allowed to be. But, this is WAY over the edge. I found this posted on and had a hard time believing it was true--until I followed the link to the blog where it first appeared. The woman who posted this said it was received by her friend's co-worker, whose sister wrote it. When you think you have seen everything on the interwebs, something this great comes along.

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!


It isn't often that I am left speechless, but this is one of those times.


kristi noser said...

First of all, I must tell you that people like this make me want to stick a fork in my eye--or hers...
Dear Marney,
I will be preparing beans with a serving fork hidden somewhere in the dish. The beans will be individually wrapped in aluminum foil, regulation size of course. I will be serving potatoes in the large blue bowl that you hate--deal with it. Oh, and the chardonnay will be at 85 degrees, please provide refrigeration. By the way I forgot to tell you that our family will be diing at home this year because we can't figure out why you insist on serving those disgusting turnips when you know everyone hates them. And bite me.
Love, your family.

Ranger Tom said...

Why I chose to live hundreds of miles from my family.

I'd have told this woman, familiy or not, to go out to the beach with a large wooden mallet, and pound all that sand up her ass.

And remember what happened last year, use a regulation wooden mallet. Any other kind of mallet is fuax pas for pounding sand up one's ass on Thanksgiving!

cmk said...

Absolutely unbelievable, hey? It's people like this that make it impossible for me to own a gun. ;)

kristi: After reading the comments people made about this, I must say your 'letter' pretty much sums up the consensus--and in a very nice, neat package.

RT: I hear you about why you live away from family. We live 100 miles away and could never have made a better decision!

Ranger Tom said...

I still own firearms... It's a challenge. An every-day exersize in Self Control! ;)

cmk said...

K said I COULD get a gun if I wanted, but he wouldn't allow me to take in the Envoy when we travel. What's the use of having it then? ;)