How Cold Is It?

I know the answer to the question should be something humorous, but I don't feel very funny about the cold right now. The temp is about -11 and the wind chill is at least -24. It is cold. And it is only supposed to get worse--the predicted wind chill for Monday morning is -45. THAT will close the schools! (As opposed to snow, which doesn't close schools that often.) So, just how cold is it? Here goes:

--if you are outside for 5 minutes (or even less), you get 'brain freeze'

--your toasty-warm vehicle cools off in under 10 minutes

--sitting in your unheated vehicle makes the backs of your thighs instantly turn to ice--even if you have cloth-covered seats

--when the wind blows, your breath is literally taken away

--you can't dress warmly enough, unless you have very special cold-weather clothing

--your lungs hurt when you breathe

--your eyes tear and hurt even when there isn't a wind

--the insides of your nostrils literally get caked with ice

--the only thing your unheated vehicle does for you is protect you from the wind--otherwise, it is no warmer than outside

--you MUST protect your animals when they go out--they are just as prone to frost-bite as people

--at -45, you can get frostbite in less than 10 minutes

--if you touch a metal object outside with your sweat-dampened hand, you WILL stick to said object (can happen when opening your car door, for example)

--ice, sometimes an inch thick in the corners, WILL form on the insides of your house windows--even if they are double-paned

--to keep warm, you MUST turn your thermostat up

--sitting at home with a glass of wine or brandy, is the nicest way to wait out the cold!